Facing up to being a Domestic Slut

Sian Evans - 5 Jun 15

When I found myself drinking the Christmas port out of a dinosaur egg cup last Monday evening, I knew a new level of domestic sluttery had been reached. I was trying to write a proposal about team motivation and development at the kitchen table, surrounded by uneaten fish fingers and a day’s worth of dirty dishes. Worse still, there was no wine in the house.

Life with one child was, at best, chaotic. Now my second son has come along and brought with him a unique blend of fearlessness, mischief and thrill-seeking, maintaining any kind of household order has become nigh on impossible.

As fast as I tidy toys, one or both of my children will drag them out again. The food / snack / clean / food / snack / clean rota is never ending. The books unhelpfully advise you not to worry about the housework as spending time with your children is more important. That’s all well and good but it’s not going to stand up in court if said children die of malnutrition because you spent all day playing Lego.

I work part time, so technically there are days when I’m at home with nothing to do except keeping the children alive and intact and making sure the running of the ship stays on track. The problem is, time at home means nothing. It is having the opportunity to do ANYTHING other than man mark my two bundles of chaos that is lacking.

As soon as I try to start a task, you can guarantee something will kick off somewhere in the house. “Darth Vadar’s head won’t stay onnnn!” wails my three year old from the lounge. Meanwhile, my one year old has his head down the toilet trying to fish out a previously unflushed toddler poo.

Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my boys and I know this phase won’t last forever. But as the household tasks spiral out of control, some days it feels like I’m riding a runaway horse blindfolded and with my hands tied behind my back, facing certain Armageddon by bedtime.

There are no matching socks in the house, the Pile of Doom that used to be my in tray is dangerously close to toppling over and I’ve given up trying to do the weekly shop online.

When I worked full time, I held a senior position and was able to motor through my own to do list and delegate tasks to a team with ease. Nowadays, I’m lucky if I manage to tick one job off in a week.

The day starts optimistically enough, with priorities such as doing the weekly shop, paying bills, sorting out endless nursery school requests and keeping on top of the washing mixed in with a couple of hopeful self-care items such as ‘wax legs’ and ‘wash hair’.

Over half-term we drove down to the Sussex coast for a week of blustery walks on the beach. After one particularly windy day, I found my hair sandblasted with half of Wittering Bay, which sad to say remained in situ until the following week when the itching got too much to bear.

Meanwhile, the waxing strips lie unopened in the drawer and I’m developing a growing sense of unease that one day my husband will catch site of my unkempt appearance and wonder what happened to the woman he married.

So, as I contemplated my half-drunk port in the plastic egg cup, I realised things had reached ‘peak chaos’ and I needed some motivational strategies of my own.

The first is to repeat the mantra, “Let it go,” whenever I self-criticise or beat myself up about something I should or should not have done. So next time I find myself feeling guilty about the unopened organic salmon that never made it into a fish pie and is now out of date, I just say, “Let it go,” and chuck it in the bin.

My second strategy is to recognise when I need help. Whether it’s a few extra hours with the boys in childcare each week or calling out to friends, sometimes you have to accept you really can’t do it all.

Although I do feel a little bit guilty about the idea of spending more time away from my sons so that I can sort out their sock drawers and catch up on admin, I know I’ll be a better mother for it.

Sian Evans

Sian is a PR director and freelance writer. She contributes articles on parenting and work / family balance as well as providing strategic planning and reputation management for brands and businesses.

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