Falling out of Love

Jenny Thomas - 22 Jun 16

I know that I am not the only one whose love cup runneth over after the birth of their child, only to find there is a small hole at the bottom of the cup and the love that we maybe once had for others is a little less lovey, and a bit more likey.  Do we only have a certain amount of love to give? For me, two children and a husband make up my immediate family and when you add in close friends and family I am maxing out my capability to demonstrate affection, attention or even be nice. This would be fine if they were the only ones seeking my love but they aren’t, what happens when life changes and those you loved before are now relegated to the backseat, or even worse, don’t make it into the car.

I am talking Cats…yup, those suffocating felines who wrap themselves around your legs, make you feel uneasy with their beady eyes and close to insanity with their night-time warblings.  We have two, Flo and Poppy, they are sisters who seem to hate each other which I put down to them being teenage.  When my husband and I re-homed them we had just bought our first flat together in 2006 and did the usual ‘let’s get faux kids as we are so loved up and it will be cute.’  Oh how we laughed as they climbed the curtains, nibbled our toes and ate fancy cat food with their regular flea treatments, expensive cat toys and sheepskin radiator beds.

Fast forward 10 years and I now have two young children who bleed me dry of energy, enthusiasm, money, time and attention yet I still have these mini furballs who demand to be fed and want to sit on my lap and be loved.  Here are my top five reasons why cats are annoying after you have kids:

1. Fur tumbleweed.  I don’t have a cleaner as I can’t afford one so our house operates on a messy but clean-ish basis.  I sweep the floors a few times a day, I dust occasionally and most surfaces get a wet-wipe every so often.  What I can’t stand is the damn cat hair that accumulates everywhere, it wafts across the wooden floors, when you try to chase it with a dustpan it floats upwards and evades capture.  It’s grim, it gets in your mouth, your food, everywhere. If I didn’t find them so repulsive I reckon those inside out cats would be a better bet.
2. Laziness.  Cats are a constant reminder that there is always someone asleep in your house, but it is never you.  They just mooch about from place to place, finding somewhere cosy to settle down and it is usually within your eye-line so you have to be the bigger person and not let your envious rage get the better of you.  Cretins.
3. Costliness.  Even if you choose Aldi kitty bics over Science Plan, they are a ticking time bomb of expense.  Maybe it is a skin complaint, a pus-infected scab or in our case ‘cat anxiety’ or cat cystitis – there are bills to be paid and money to find.  It turns out anxiety is quite prevalent in cats and can lead to over-grooming (mangy baldness), jittery behaviour and depression.  Sadly you can’t slip them a couple of your Citalopram so you are forced to part with the best part of £300 and be nice to them. Grrr.
4. Neediness.  They wait until you have sat down for the first time all day and then they stand next to you, being weird.  You feel bad for them and so you let them onto your lap where they walk around in a few circles before sitting down and breaking wind.  This generally happens every evening and again in the middle of the night.  Toddler wakes up around 3am…you spend an hour trying to get them back to sleep in your bed whilst they kick you in the face, you do the bomb disposal transfer back to their bed and then the sodding cat arrives looking for a stroke and sitting their fat butt down between you and your hubby which results in the duvet being just that little bit too small and pinned down in the middle. The last thing during a night of broken sleep is fishy-breath in my face.
5. Stupidity.  They are supposed to be quite intelligent but in my experience our cats are particularly dim, they even look quite simple and occasionally cross-eyed.  They don’t like the kids but they reside just near enough to cause a flutter of excitement, they then jump out of their skin at the slightest movement, run away leaving a trail of fur and then start again. The other day the skittish anxious cat was bombing it around the bedroom in some hyperactive state, somehow she jumped straight out of the first floor window and flew past the living room before making the walk of shame up to the front door.  Idiot, although it was funny.

I could go on, weeing on the front doormat so that it is impossible to have a doormat, then weeing on the floor where the doormat was, so you get a whiff of cat piss every time you come in.  Making a racket about not being fed, only to then fail to chew or bite the food so it sits in the bowl the whole day attracting flies and smelling like a bin lorry.  I clearly have issues with my cats and I know I am not the only one, when your life becomes that little bit fuller, your ability to love is called into question.  Because I love my family, the cats move down the ladder although they will always remain above me because I am a bit of a martyr and because I will always feed them before I feed myself…maybe I love them just a little bit after all.

Jenny Thomas

Mum of 2 little-uns, working from home on my own children's bookshop whilst trying to do it all...then realising I don't want it all but some would be nice. www.smallprint-online.com.

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