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Father’s Day

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It’s hard to write around anniversaries or events like Father’s Day because it’s harder to think clearly, and words don’t come as easily through the pain, so I don’t know how much sense I will make. Also I haven’t checked this post with Danny and he normally makes sure I’m not too offensive 😬! Danny wouldn’t want a fuss made, but days like today I think it’s important to acknowledge who he is to Sophie and me.
To put it bluntly – he’s been our rock. I’m so thankful for the dad Danny was and still is to Sophie. The smile
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she had for Danny was brighter than all the others; I will never forget the way her face lit up whenever he came home from work (as did mine with relief 😂). Their bond was something else. She loved him more than anyone, and he loved her back even more. He never shied away from being a parent, & wasn’t one of these divvies who ‘babysit’ their own kids – he was fully committed and Sophie was always his priority over everything else.

This year has been so up and down, I’ve had so many days where I’ve been nothing short of a mess

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and announced I couldn’t do it anymore and Danny has dragged all of us through those days. He never allowed himself to be a mess, or give up. He kept going and held himself together – for Sophie, for me, for us. He still does.

I’m heart broken for him that today he hasn’t got his favourite girl around. I wish more than anything I could reunite them, because I know that nothing else could fix his pain.

I’m hurt for him, and other grieving dads, that we live in a society where men are still expected to get over their feelings and man up,

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even among those supposedly closest to us. I can’t count the number of times people have directed the how are you questions just at me and Danny’s been overlooked. Too many people assume the dad is coping just fine because he looks fine and doesn’t have mascara & snot running down his face on a daily basis. They don’t want to think about him not being okay, so don’t ask. Men are simply not given the space to talk or the love and time that women are – we expect them to keep their shit together no matter how much it kills them to do so. It
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doesn’t matter how many Man Down posts we publicly share on Facebook, what matters is the message we send when we don’t ask how the man is, we forget that he’s lost his baby too, we don’t push him beyond “not bad” and we encourage him to bury those emotions deep and get on with normal life. That’s what counts, and I think as a society we’ve got a long way to go before we stop letting men down.

But back to Danny: I wouldn’t have chosen another man in the world to be Sophie’s dad, and she wouldn’t have either. Danny you are the

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best example of a dad. You were Sophie’s (and mine) calm in her really stormy world, and she knew, whatever else was going on, that she was so loved by you. I know the feeling was mutual. For that I am eternally grateful. Xx
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- 21 Jun 17

It’s hard to write around anniversaries or events like Father’s Day because it’s harder to think clearly, and words don’t come as easily through the pain, so I don’t know how much sense I will make. Also I haven’t checked this post with Danny and he normally makes sure I’m not too offensive 😬! Danny wouldn’t want a fuss made, but days like today I think it’s important to acknowledge who he is to Sophie and me.
To put it bluntly – he’s been our rock. I’m so thankful for the dad Danny was and still is to Sophie. The smile she had for Danny was brighter than all the others; I will never forget the way her face lit up whenever he came home from work (as did mine with relief 😂). Their bond was something else. She loved him more than anyone, and he loved her back even more. He never shied away from being a parent, & wasn’t one of these divvies who ‘babysit’ their own kids – he was fully committed and Sophie was always his priority over everything else.

This year has been so up and down, I’ve had so many days where I’ve been nothing short of a mess and announced I couldn’t do it anymore and Danny has dragged all of us through those days. He never allowed himself to be a mess, or give up. He kept going and held himself together – for Sophie, for me, for us. He still does.

I’m heart broken for him that today he hasn’t got his favourite girl around. I wish more than anything I could reunite them, because I know that nothing else could fix his pain.

I’m hurt for him, and other grieving dads, that we live in a society where men are still expected to get over their feelings and man up, even among those supposedly closest to us. I can’t count the number of times people have directed the how are you questions just at me and Danny’s been overlooked. Too many people assume the dad is coping just fine because he looks fine and doesn’t have mascara & snot running down his face on a daily basis. They don’t want to think about him not being okay, so don’t ask. Men are simply not given the space to talk or the love and time that women are – we expect them to keep their shit together no matter how much it kills them to do so. It doesn’t matter how many Man Down posts we publicly share on Facebook, what matters is the message we send when we don’t ask how the man is, we forget that he’s lost his baby too, we don’t push him beyond “not bad” and we encourage him to bury those emotions deep and get on with normal life. That’s what counts, and I think as a society we’ve got a long way to go before we stop letting men down.

But back to Danny: I wouldn’t have chosen another man in the world to be Sophie’s dad, and she wouldn’t have either. Danny you are the best example of a dad. You were Sophie’s (and mine) calm in her really stormy world, and she knew, whatever else was going on, that she was so loved by you. I know the feeling was mutual. For that I am eternally grateful. Xx

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