1
”No hitting.
No spitting.
No punching.
No biting.
No kicking each other in the face.
No bonking your brother on the head with Spiderman.
STOP HITTING HIM.
Do. Not. Push. Him. Over.
No shouting in his ear.
No yelling back at him.
Stop strangling him.
DON’T SIT ON HIS HEAD.
Take your finger out of his eye..
Get off, he is not a climbing frame.
I saw you give him a Chinese burn.
NO HE DOES NOT WANT WATER SPAT ON HIM.
Just leave him alone!!!!!!”
Yup. This has been an average day in my house this summer.
I’m actually bored of my
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own voice. And, I’m pretty bored of how my sons have annoyed the hell out of each other on a day to day basis.
I think they are pretty bored of it, too.
If I had a red card, and it carried any weight with under fives, I would issue it. Imagine, for a moment, if you showed a child a red card and they walked obediently off the pitch (out of the lounge), to sit on the bench (in their room), for two games (two hours).
Wouldn’t that be ace?
Instead, I find myself a woman whose days are filled with refereeing two small munchkins, while trying to
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remain calm and DEEP BREATHING my way through it.
I regularly think THIS IS NOT FUN. And look at the clock, wondering how early I can do bed time. And, most importantly; DO I HAVE WINE? And how early is it suitable to drink it?
The shame of it is that half the time the kids are so cute together.
They are so cute when they are cute, if you know what I mean. Rafferty (4), is helpful and kind to his younger brother, and Fox (2) gives him loads of kisses… and my heart lifts, and I look adoringly at them and think, ’Wow this is what having kids
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is all about.’
And as they are being so cute I cuddle them together, and then one second later Fox squashes Rafferty. And Rafferty pushes Fox over. And one of them cries. And the other hysterically does something else… and then I’m thinking WHAT JUST HAPPENED, I thought we were having a cuddle?
How can it go from amazing to family-war-zone in a nanosecond?
I don’t want to shout, but sometimes it is pretty hard not to. And I’ve just bought a book (Calm Parents, Happy Siblings) which says I shouldn’t even use the Naughty Mat (we have a
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mat instead of a step). It says I should HUG IT OUT instead.
But, it’s hard, right? To be the calm voice of reason, when all you actually want to do is yell at top volume: PLEASE JUST SHUT UP & CHILL OUT!!!!!
The thing is that I don’t even blame them: because this summer has been LONG.
Rafferty’s preschool broke up 17th July… and he didn’t start school properly until today. TODAY! That is over TWO MONTHS of hanging out with his brother. And, even though I’ve had other bits of helpful childcare, and even though Tom & I have
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separated the boys for days at a time by various means, and taken them out, and hung out, and gone on holiday… they’ve still been with each other almost ALL that time.
If I spent two months with anyone all day, I’d probably be annoyed by them, too. But even after one day of school, I can see the light. I can see that absence makes the heart grow fonder, because when I picked up Rafferty this afternoon he said he wanted to go home to see his brother. And, they ran frantically around our apartment laughing for half an hour, before any hitting /
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yanking / infighting ensued.
And, you know the really crazy thing?
I’m really keen for a third.
Two kids annoying each other, just isn’t enough.
Guess I better brush up those refereeing skills, after all….
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Molly Gunn - 21 Sep 15
“No hitting.
No spitting.
No punching.
No biting.
No kicking each other in the face.
No bonking your brother on the head with Spiderman.
STOP HITTING HIM.
Do. Not. Push. Him. Over.
No shouting in his ear.
No yelling back at him.
Stop strangling him.
DON’T SIT ON HIS HEAD.
Take your finger out of his eye..
Get off, he is not a climbing frame.
I saw you give him a Chinese burn.
NO HE DOES NOT WANT WATER SPAT ON HIM.
Just leave him alone!!!!!!”
Yup. This has been an average day in my house this summer.
I’m actually bored of my own voice. And, I’m pretty bored of how my sons have annoyed the hell out of each other on a day to day basis.
I think they are pretty bored of it, too.
If I had a red card, and it carried any weight with under fives, I would issue it. Imagine, for a moment, if you showed a child a red card and they walked obediently off the pitch (out of the lounge), to sit on the bench (in their room), for two games (two hours).
Wouldn’t that be ace?
Instead, I find myself a woman whose days are filled with refereeing two small munchkins, while trying to remain calm and DEEP BREATHING my way through it.
I regularly think THIS IS NOT FUN. And look at the clock, wondering how early I can do bed time. And, most importantly; DO I HAVE WINE? And how early is it suitable to drink it?
The shame of it is that half the time the kids are so cute together.
They are so cute when they are cute, if you know what I mean. Rafferty (4), is helpful and kind to his younger brother, and Fox (2) gives him loads of kisses… and my heart lifts, and I look adoringly at them and think, ‘Wow this is what having kids is all about.’
And as they are being so cute I cuddle them together, and then one second later Fox squashes Rafferty. And Rafferty pushes Fox over. And one of them cries. And the other hysterically does something else… and then I’m thinking WHAT JUST HAPPENED, I thought we were having a cuddle?
How can it go from amazing to family-war-zone in a nanosecond?
I don’t want to shout, but sometimes it is pretty hard not to. And I’ve just bought a book (Calm Parents, Happy Siblings) which says I shouldn’t even use the Naughty Mat (we have a mat instead of a step). It says I should HUG IT OUT instead.
But, it’s hard, right? To be the calm voice of reason, when all you actually want to do is yell at top volume: PLEASE JUST SHUT UP & CHILL OUT!!!!!
The thing is that I don’t even blame them: because this summer has been LONG.
Rafferty’s preschool broke up 17th July… and he didn’t start school properly until today. TODAY! That is over TWO MONTHS of hanging out with his brother. And, even though I’ve had other bits of helpful childcare, and even though Tom & I have separated the boys for days at a time by various means, and taken them out, and hung out, and gone on holiday… they’ve still been with each other almost ALL that time.
If I spent two months with anyone all day, I’d probably be annoyed by them, too. But even after one day of school, I can see the light. I can see that absence makes the heart grow fonder, because when I picked up Rafferty this afternoon he said he wanted to go home to see his brother. And, they ran frantically around our apartment laughing for half an hour, before any hitting / yanking / infighting ensued.
And, you know the really crazy thing?
I’m really keen for a third.
Two kids annoying each other, just isn’t enough.
Guess I better brush up those refereeing skills, after all….
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Molly Gunn is the Curator of Goodness at Selfish Mother, a site she created for likeminded women in 2013. Molly has been a journalist for over 15 years, starting out on fashion desks at The Guardian, The Telegraph & ES Magazine before going freelance in 2006 to write for publications including Red, Stella, Grazia, Net-A-Porter and ELLE. She now edits Selfish Mother and creates #GoodTees which are sold via TheFMLYStore.com and John Lewis and have so far raised £650K for charity. Molly is mother to Rafferty, 5, Fox, 3 and baby Liberty. Molly is married to Tom, aka music producer Tee Mango and founder of Millionhands. They live, work and play in Somerset.
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