Finding parenting perfection

Victoria Leek - 24 Jul 16

For anyone prone to perfectionism, and even those who are not, being a parent can be challenging. While it is without doubt the best thing I’ve ever done, there’s another side. It’s not the tiredness, though it can be exhausting, or that everything is a mess, though it surely is, or that I don’t get much time to myself. But that it’s so hard to gauge what is enough.

I love the little people in my life more than anything and want the best for them. However, there are days (sometimes quite a few) when I don’t feel up to par. Even on a good day there’s that feeling that I could do a bit better, a bit more.

It’s not surprising really, there’s a lot to think about in this parenting lark. Are they eating enough and the right things? Are they drinking from the right cup? There’s so many to choose from. Can they get themselves to sleep and stay asleep and do they nap? Do they play with the right things? It goes on.

And then what exactly is the best for them anyway? Is it attending every class, group and dusty church hall going? Or is playing the sleepy dinosaur game an appropriate way to spend the afternoon?

There’s always more that can be done for them and that’s before you look at yourself. What kind of mum am I and what kind of woman am I now that I have become a mum? It goes on.

Unlike other areas of life there isn’t much to go on with this mumming business. No formal appraisals or bonus schemes are available, though plenty of guilt to be found if you’re not careful.

Just because you became a parent it didn’t suddenly turn you into some superior being. The love you have for your children may be of superpower strength, but it’s likely the whole thing has brought you to your knees at some point. Your children shine a big old spotlight on the bits about yourself that you’re not so keen on in a way that no one else can. Thanks guys. Thanks.

But while my little world may not be picture perfect, I see that my children are. Perfect in the way they show up unapologetically in the world for who they are and what they need. I think I can learn a lot from them. And maybe I am nearer to perfection than I thought in all the messy, vulnerable, loving and wonderful glory that is being their mum.

Victoria Leek

Victoria Leek is a full time mum to two boys under two. She worked in PR for almost ten years before becoming a mum.

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