Fingers in many pies.

This Guilty Life - 19 Mar 18

I am a professional by day, but trying to carve out a sideline in other areas by night.

It is not easy and time more often than not does not permit my hobbies to come to the fore.  I have been attempting to write my first book for some time and each night once the kids are asleep and the chores are done, like Cinders, I sit down utterly exhausted trying to pluck up the stamina to keep writing.

For me my blog entries come easy, it is just an excuse to pour my brain (what is left of it) on to paper (virtual of course) and try to make sense of all that is happening each day, which today is proving to be a struggle.

My eldest went through a stage recently of climbing in to our bed every night but, as quickly as it started, it stopped.  Then last night happened.  He climbed in to our bed at 1.30am: Now normally one of us would scoop him up and place him back in his own bed after a short time and normal sleep would resume but last night I neglected to do so and I am bitterly regretting it today.  He tossed and turned all night, and spent most of the night sleeping on top of my head.  Result? I have a huge headache and he had a huge grump on this morning.

A grumpy morning is nothing new in our house but this morning was an unusually grumpy affair.  He was fine for the first 15 minutes or so then hell broke loose.  His cereal was not the cereal he wanted, despite the fact he had actually told us he didn’t want any at all; we were grossly unfair at not allowing him to have a biscuit (absolute no no when he is being stroppy) and were “breaking his heart”.  The latter when uttered from his grumpy pouting lips did actually make me wobble and tears sprang to me eyes, but as his ranting continued, my soppy feelings were quickly replaced with feelings of “I can’t bloody cope with this!”.  Much shouting for a moment or two then all feeling utterly deflated and sad, cuddles all round.

It is fair to say we are not happy campers when tired Joseph and I, then again who is?

In addition to my book (publishing date yet to be confirmed lol) I am also endeavouring to follow my dream to act.  Acting is something I always wanted to do but never did, as a steady career was the order of the day and something that would actually allow me to pay my bills.

I recently auditioned for a Lionsgate film, but as yet have not heard back and assume I will not do so, but at least I tried.  I gave it my best shot and will keep doing so for as long as the desire remains. I have registered with an agency and hope to secure some “extras” work in the near future but when I will squeeze this in is yet to be determined.  I cannot let it lie though and feel I will be selling myself short if I don’t at least try; after all I am still Maria, not just a mummy, wife and solicitor.  I simply do not want to look back in 15 years time and think “what if?”.  I would rather say “I tried and it didn’t work out” and know in my heart I had not let myself fall by the wayside.

Trying to maintain a sense of self as a parent is often very hard.  I am sure those with children reading this will agree.

We only live once.  Hopefully once will be enough and my epitaph may well read something along the lines of “Maria-mother, wife, solicitor, wannabe actress, writer, maker of terrific dens and chicken stews, dancer of tremendous moves and lover of all things silly, oh and professional juggler (figuratively speaking)”.

Still, managing it all will prove to be a struggle but my other half is in a punk band and he seems to just about pull it off so I am sure I will be able to, for the most part.  Keep your fingers crossed for me?

This Guilty Life-Busy Mamma x

This Guilty Life

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