Five parenting tags and phrases we need to stop using. NOW

Claire Quansah - 28 Apr 17

There are quite a few terms that slightly frustrate me, but some really need to be removed from parenting vocabulary once and for all and here’s why.

1. 1. Post-baby body. The bread and butter of tabloids. Not news. Move on. Women have babies – get over it. Unless she’s grown an extra limb in the child birthing process, her body is still the same one she had nine months earlier. It might be squidgier and stretchier, it might be tight and toned. Either way, it doesn’t matter. In the same way her body was unique pre-children, it’s even more so now. It has achieved something amazing – grown a human! Somehow she’s managed to get that human out of there, so let’s not make her mid-rif, boobs, thighs or arms the topic of conversation.

    

   2. Full-time mum: Often used for women who are stay-at-home mums, not being paid for a job. But let me tell you something, I’m by no means a part time parent. This is by no means to ctiticise those mothers who are at home, more to defend those who, like me, work. I may leave the house to go to an office for a few hours each day, but the welfare of my children is a 24/7 job. I know that being at work keeps my kids fed, clothed and housed, which are kinda important if you ask me. Going to work also keeps me sane (most of the time) which is also good for them. So regardless of whether you work at home or away, by choice or circumstance, you are still a mother 100%. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

    

   3. Daddy daycare: So I may have been guilty of using this every now and then, jokingly of course, but it’s still a bit of an insult to dads out there. A man spending time with his kids is being a dad. Period. Just because he might have his own approach to doing it (without the supervision of a multitasking, organised, problem-solving, slightly neurotic mother), it doesn’t make him less of a parent.  On a more serious note, this country is still battling an unbalanced view of parental responsibility, especially in the workplace, so terms like this don’t help.

    

   4. For a mum: ‘You look great…for a mum’, ‘You’ve done well in your career… for a mum’. Why do those three words need adding to the end of a compliment? Sometimes it feels like the phrase belittles the achievement, making motherhood a shortcoming. Are they saying if you weren’t a mum, you might have done better? In some cases that might be true, but in others it could be motherhood that has given them the motivation to achieve. It’s like running fast ‘for a girl’ or being sensitive ‘for a boy’. Are mothers meant to be under achievers? I don’t think so. See above and below – we build humans. Anything you succeed in, which might be inspired by motherhood, but never in the face of, must be celebrated for all its glory.

    

   5. ‘Just a mum’: Argh! I often hear this when referring to women who aren’t employed. It’s just plain wrong. Anyone who uses this term to describe them self or another person is seriously belittling the role of motherhood. It is one of the most important roles bestowed on a human being. See points 1, 2 and 4. Whether you have grown the little ones yourself or been blessed with them another way, you are a woman who is bringing up a citizen of the world. You are creating a future provider, leader, decision maker, without any rehearsal, training, or reference book. And as I said in point 1, its a 24/7 job, no matter where you are. Now that is pretty immense.

Claire Quansah

30 something Mancunian mother, wife and dancing queen. When I'm not juggling 2 boys, I'm either doing PR, drinking wine, eating cake or trying to shift the cake weight. Sometimes I share my musings at www.mumsomnia.wordpress.com

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