Friends Like These

Catherine Péchèr - 1 Feb 20

Most things get easier as you get older. You can say ‘no’ to events that end after 11pm, you no longer feel the need to pretend to like ‘cool’ stuff and you understand the importance of drinking water. One thing that doesn’t get easier, however, is making friends. In fact without school or university it becomes much, much harder. The friends that you do make when entering a new place or life stage seem to, fall into certain categories.

The Take Under Your Wing-er. For the newbie in town this is the friend you just can’t do without. They can spot a new, confused, or bewildered face in a crowd in an instant and nothing can stop them from making their beeline. They will invite you to social occasions, explain confusing cultural constructs and give you the details for the best doctor/ bakery/ cocktails in town. The truly dedicated will even get their partners, children and pets to join in the campaign. Easily attracted with just a look of simple uncertainty, this friend is to be made the most of, who knows where she will be heading when the next new kid comes along.

The Friend Crush. You have spotted them from across the room. They seem to be of a similar age or stage to you and you really like their sandals. They made a semi-funny quip about the weather and you laughed a little too loudly. You’ve fallen. You start to ask casual questions to mutual acquaintances about the person’s interests and if they are on the friendship market. If all the lights are green then the scary part comes. Dropping into conversation how great it would be if the kids played together or how lovely that new cafe on the corner looks will only get you so far. The deal isn’t done until WhatsApp details have been exchanged. Then the true friendship test begins – are you destined to be the BFFs you see in your imagination or do they just have great taste in shoes? Only time will tell – sometimes the most fun will be in the chase.

The Perfect Timing-er. Sometimes people can come out of nowhere. Like finding a rogue coin floating in your footwell just as you re about to get your supermarket trolly, these friends turn up just exactly when you need them. For me it was in a new country where I was lonely and friendless. I met my English speaking angel in soft play. But it might be a colleague who starts a new job at the same time as you, or the family down the street with a similar age baby. They arrive in unexpected places and may not be your usual model of friend, but appreciate them all the same. Their inadvertent perfect timing makes them almost miraculous.

The This Could Be The Real Thing-er. Different to the friend crush, this platonic attraction is based on more than just cool clothes and a similar humour. When you meet them you get a sense of something deeper. When you’ve realised how much you have in common, the only way forward is total honesty. Like a dating site, you state your intentions early on and in this case it’s ‘looking for something serious’. At this point putting the effort in is worth it. Text first, suggest meet-ups, now is not the time to be coy – the real thing doesn’t come around all that often.

The Never Let You Go-er. Making new friends is all well and good but sometimes you need something different. There are times that call for those people who know you, the real you. The friends who have seen you become the person you are now, who remember your teenage crush or went with you as you bought your first ‘going out’ outfit. They have seen you through heartbreak, family breakdowns, all nighters and dodgy haircuts. Those people that, no matter how far away you move, you will never truly get away from them. Pick up the phone, FaceTime, send them the song that made you think of them. In the rollercoaster world of making new friends, it’s the old ones that will keep you grounded

Catherine Péchèr

I’m a midwife, mum of two and recent expat. I love blogging and writing lists about life, parenthood and everything in between. Some are on here but loads more are at greatmindsmakelists.worspress.com or you can find me on Facebook or Instagram.

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