From fed-up to thankful.

Katie Browne - 1 Jun 16

On Sunday morning I found that my baby girl had changed. She had gone from being a grumpy-when-hungry content little thing to a screaming, straining creature who needed to be in someone’s arms constantly. If we put her down, she’d scream. If she was passed from one pair of arms to another, she’d scream. If I changed my grip slightly, she’d scream. Oh no, we said, this must be what colic is.

Our son was a relatively easy newborn. Not that we found ANY of it easy at the time, but from speaking to other parents, we knew that we had it good. Our daughter, in her 2 weeks of life, has been a lot more high maintenance than he was…but still quite a content baby. Until Sunday.

After a day of rocking and shushing and trying not to move my arms when she fell asleep, I noticed that she felt hot. Temp was 38.3 – not that horrific but quite hot for a newborn. After much retesting, we called 111 and got an out-of-hours appointment. After quickly sorting a babysitter for our son, we rushed to the doc. Thanks goodness- temp back down already, no sign of ear or throat infection, fab. Let’s go home. No- best to check with a paediatrician as she’s so young. Okay…bit annoying as she seems fine now but we’ll go to the hospital.

Get to hospital. First observations are good. Then we wait. Every other family of crying children has been waiting for hours. At this point I’m feeling like a silly mother who never should have taken her child’s temperature as she’s clearly fine and I’ve just wasted everyone’s time. Im getting lots of pitying looks accompanied with ‘is this your first?’ and I just feel ridiculous.

Finally the doctor comes. Lots more of the same checks- temperature, ears, throat, chest (all fine). By now, it’s been 4hrs since 38.3 and we’re fed-up.

Then we find out that because of the high temperature earlier, we have to stay overnight. Until Tuesday at least! Antibiotics by IV, monitoring every 2hrs, blood tests, the lot. I cried. Why had I put my beautiful daughter through this? She’d only had a bit of a fever and it hadn’t lasted. Now she’s going to be pulled about, woken up, prodded with needles and kept away from her home. Plus, I’ll be kept here in the noisy brightly-lit hospital, away from my lovely son who, at 21months is very unsettled still from all the recent change. Life just didn’t seem fair.

Now it’s Wednesday and I’m still in hospital with my baby girl. But my perspective has changed completely.

I can’t believe how ungrateful and how self-absorbed I was just a few days ago.

Over the last few days I have seen my poor baby girl go through so much pain and discomfort. Her fever came back on Monday morning and kept coming back throughout that day and following night. She has been miserable and this has, without doubt, been the hardest thing I’ve ever been through in my life. On Monday evening I was told that one of the many painful tests she’d had had confirmed that she doesn’t have Meningitis or any other major infection. By that point I’d stopped feeling like an idiot for taking her temperature and had been all-consumed by the immense pain that any parent feels when seeing their child suffering. I was thinking the worst. But my pain was over in just a short time.

I am so thankful to the doctors who didn’t let us go home on Sunday night.

I am so thankful to the nurses who have cared for us over the last few days.

I am full of the realisation that many parents are here for the hundredth time and will continue to be here for the foreseeable, all the while feeling the immense pain that I felt when I thought my child was seriously ill. I know that those parents are going through hell but that they will only be thinking of the hell their poor child is going through. I am so so thankful that my children are happy and healthy 99% of the time.

I am so thankful for our NHS. Doctors, nurses, care assistants, the lot.

I’m hoping to be home tonight, as Eliza’s fever is finally staying down. But if we do have to stay longer, or if I end up back here again one day, I promise not to think about the inconvenience and the discomfort caused, but to be thankful that we’re in the best possible place.

Katie Browne

Mum to a cheeky toddler and a milk-frienzied newborn

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