Frozen Hope

Bec Davidson - 12 Oct 18

Frozen Hope, our IVF Journey

On a sweltering hot August day, the Universe and all that is wonderful aligned when a pinhead ball of cells shot into my womb.  At that moment, fate, hope, luck and faith crystallised to provide us with our much wanted Son.  

We grieved, and came to terms with our infertility in total isolation.  My husband has only recently been able to talk of the enormity of our infertility and the effect it had on his mental health. It is heartbreaking that we walked the IVF journey via two different paths, like two lonely wanderers.

Current research demonstrates that the stress levels of women experiencing IVF are equivalent to women with cancer, AIDS or heart disease, so there is no question that infertility puts enormous stress on marriages.

We endured infertility, miscarriages and cycles of reproductive treatments, often in frozen silence. That’s what hope does – it hangs suspended and we daren’t look at each other in that cold clinical room during treatment. My husband feared seeing my physical pain and yearning, and I couldn’t bear to see the guilt that had invaded the man I once knew.   Hope for new life hung suspended in a laboratory, in parallel to what was the slow terminal decline to the marriage we once shared.

I wanted to share my journey and provide some practical help to couples currently on the IVF rollercoaster.

1. First and foremost, take advantage of the counsellors at IVF clinics.  In hindsight, talking to professionals is absolutely vital.
2. Agree with each to have an ‘hour off’ IVF talk.  Watch a movie, order a pizza, take a walk, whatever you need for that ‘down time’.
3. Don’t bottle up the emotion, if you need to cry do it, scream on a beach – whatever it takes to release some of the pain.
4. Take yourself off social media whilst going through treatment.  You’re not being a bad person if you can’t share happiness in others’ pregnancies  – you’re only human with complex hormones and emotions flooding your very being.
5. As per image attached to my article – dig out the fun photos!  Memories evoke laughter and can bond you back together.
6. My final tip – hold each other and walk the path together.

For all the couples enduring infertility I wish you hope and happiness for the future, whatever path you walk together.

Bec Davidson

Mum to Zachary; Idealist; belief in humanity; Graduate in Psychology; trainee Psychotherapist (specialising in woman's mental health), aspiring freelance writer with a passion in understanding what modern feminism means for mothers, and finally....... a Prosecco opener extraordinaire!

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