Getting dumped by a friend

Sarah - 10 Feb 20

This week I have been dumped, by a friend on a Whatsapp message. Yes, you heard right, dumped by a friend. Who knew this could even happen, but it seems in this modern world with all its’ ways to arrange seeing our mates, a friend can end the relationship that way too. Just like men do. Just like Carrie Bradshaw, when Jack Berger dumped her on a post it note.

This week an old friend bluntly informed me, I was not empathetic or kind or secure enough to be in her life. This came out of the blue but seemed to stem from me not enquiring after her health, as quickly as she would like. I’m sure there is more to it, but at the moment I’m processing the whole event, and like Carrie Bradshaw, it got me thinking.

Must I be on tap for everyone, all the time and if not, behind the scenes am I losing brownie points with friends? But charmingly, my husband, who is also a good friend with the dumper, sent a similar ‘hope you are feeling better soon’ message to this woman and because he enquired in speedy fashion, he wasn’t thrown in the bin. These men eh, they get away with an awful lot.

I adopted my kids with my husband 3 and half years ago and I am still pirouetting through life, managing all the new life skills that come with this new role, and I’m sure I’ll never stop. That is parenting. In the past I have supported so many pals with their new lives as mothers, but quickly learnt it was not always reciprocated when it was my turn.

But what about my single and childfree pals? They would step up right?

After three months of the children moved in with us, another friend I’ve known for 25 years or more, text me (yes text me), to say she was disappointed that I wasn’t around for her anymore. Apparently when we were both married but without kids, we said we would never forget each other and always be there. She felt I had broken that promise. She was disappointed with the lack of texts from me  in those early days of becoming a Mum and despite my explanation that I am still here, but not as often, she has not contacted me since the text exchange in 2016. I miss her but I just can’t juggle the emotions of people as well as the manic life I now have.

Does this make me selfish? Do the friends/family need to try thinking from my angle?

I’ve spent a lot of time pondering if I could have behaved differently towards my fiends since becoming a parent. But I as I have reflected on when I was single, no husband, no kids, I emailed, text, called my mum friends and made plans. I had fears of losing our friendships to their motherhood and did not want that to happen. So, in fact, it can be done, if you can be bothered yourself.

The last few weeks, I’ve darted from upset to anxious to completely arsed off with the situation, but I have concluded. All of this is not about me, I’m still here, maybe not within the speed of light, or even in the same week, but I am still here.  I want to connect with those dear friends that can apply a bit of sense and empathy and as old fashioned as it sounds, I suppose I what I’m trying to say, is that I would like to be treated, how I treat others.

Sarah

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