Gone Kidulting, Back Later

Madeleine Thompson - 6 Dec 17

I’ve been reading lots of lovely posts, memes and tweets about the very current subject of ‘adulting’.   With my grammar-geek head on, I am intrigued by the power of humans to change a noun into an adjective so smoothly and for it to make perfect sense when you say, ‘I don’t want to adult today’.  I’m working on the answer for when my daughter asks me what kind of word ‘adult’ is, as she brings questions about words into our bedroom most mornings.

It is a word and a phrase causing me deep fascination and I know it resonates with many grown-ups who I imagine are being brought considerable comfort to have a word describing how hard it is to be a grown-up.

That was until this week, when I discovered a new word – ‘Kidulting’.  I confess I’m not even sure how to spell it.  I can’t find a consistent spelling; it seems to be a free-for-all.   In the Oxford English Living Dictionary, ‘Kidult’ refers to ‘an adult with child tastes’, but Kidulting seems to have a slightly different meaning.  It refers to an adult’s feelings of nostalgia and longing for their youth.   So, we could say that when we are fed up with ‘adulting’, we start ‘kidulting’ instead.   Confused yet?

I went to visit my parents’ house at the start of December.  I spent a weekend there, helping them get ready for the forthcoming festive season.  Usually, trips to my parents’ house include the children, but for this trip I flew solo.  The children stayed at home with my husband.   The logic was that if I was helping them get ready, do some sorting, etc, the presence of the children who wanted to play would make things slightly tricky.    I can’t deny there was an enormous amount of guilt involved as I drove away and looked back at the house to see my eldest with her face in the window, crumpled into a weeping expression.  I had to check as soon as I arrived at my destination, that the children were ok.  Reassurance came from my husband that they were more than okay; they were merrily putting up the Christmas tree.

Guilt averted, I could enjoy being with my mum and dad.

Over the weekend, most of the stuff we did was pretty much grown-up.   We sorted boxes, we tidied toys, we went out with my sister, we had meals, and we watched an action film.  So far, so normal.  But slowly, I found myself melting into a sort of cocoon of nostalgia and feeling a pull towards my youth.  I found myself wishing I could step back into my earlier days when I lived with my parents, and just enjoy this for a little bit longer.

I know if I deconstruct this, I would probably reveal this was simply a way to rebel in my head against feelings of ‘adulting’ and responsibility. When I came home on the Sunday night, I was an irrational grump towards my husband.  I knew it, he knew it, but I couldn’t seem to shake it.

The following day, whilst listening to the radio, I heard people talking about it.  Kidulting.  Going back to your parents’ house and acting and feeling like you did when you lived there.  Regressing back in the comfort of the familial home.

As I heard them speaking about it, I felt reassured.  I wasn’t weird after all.  Others had felt it too and there was even a name!

It took a few days to ‘come around’ and shake those feelings off.  Part of my thinking was about how I wanted to make sure my children are making their own feelings of what family and childhood mean to them, and I need to be connected for that, not lost in some memory of Christmas 1997.   Helping them to write their story now so that in the future they can ‘kidult’ too if they want to.

I wonder if any of you have ever felt like this?  Not just feeling fed of adulting but actually feeling that longing for something that has long since past?   Perhaps it is Christmas that does it to us.  Perhaps it is heading towards another birthday, and nearer to a milestone.

Who knows, but at least we know that adulting and kidulting are real and its ok to feel them.

Madeleine Thompson

I am mum to my little chicks, Aisha, 6 and Abel, 4. Originally from Yorkshire, UK, I now live in a little town in the North West. By day, I work for myself as a freelance PA. By night, I indulge my passion for writing.

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