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This time last year, I was in the grips of The Fear, following an epic NYE with an epic hangover to boot. ’Never again!’ I wailed, having thrown myself into the celebrations with wild abandon, determined to get smashed, dance, cry and dance some more. Opportunities for such shenanigans are rare these days and let’s face it, hangovers + kids royally suck, don’t they?
This year we had friends over to ours and I’ve been mildly alarmed about feeling as rotten today as last New Year’s day. But happily a severe hangover was dodged and today has been
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one of the nicest hungover days in ages. It turns out you can spend the entire day loafing about as if you were a student, instead of a mid-thirties parent, if you stick to one simple rule.
Just Say No to the following questions:
1. ’Do you want to go out for a nice pub lunch?’
No thank you.’A nice pub lunch’ with a toddler involves a lot of ’Sit down!’ ’No don’t put that fork in your eye!’ ’Play with your stickers!’ ’Please eat!’ ’Please stop that!’ Please can we go home . . . until Peppa on the iPhone is resorted to, and she’d
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already saved us at 7am today when I could only open one eye.
2. ’Are you going to get dressed any time soon?’
Let’s think about that for a moment . . . getting dressed involves making an effort, and I used up all my effort yesterday cleaning the house, cooking a meal for eight, decorating, having lots of drunken fun and doing my best dance moves to Shakira and clutching the air to Power Ballads until 3am. So that would be another no. But isn’t my onesie lovely?
3. ’Mummy can you play trains with me?’
Well my sweet boy, your train set
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is on the floor, and I am on the sofa, so no, but if you come here I will put Thomas on and happily cuddle you for as long as you’ll let me. Everyone’s a winner!
4. ’Have we got anything in for dinner?’
No, but you see your phone there with the number of our excellent curry house on speed dial? The only option for dinner this evening is curry, there’s no point even considering anything else, is there?
5. ’Mummy, will you take me to soft play?’
I love you so much sometimes it brings tears to my eyes, I would die for you, you are the
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most wonderful, joyful, delightful little person and I adore you. But even if soft play was open on NYD, the answer would still be an absolute, resounding and heartfelt no. But we can watch as much Clangers and Abney and Teal as you like . . .
6. ’Are we bad parents?’
If being bad parents means spending all day together, relaxed, cuddling, drinking tea, watching telly (and snoozing), reading stories, doing puzzles, cuddling some more and laughing a lot at party flashbacks with friends, then I hope the answer to that is also a resounding No. It’s
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just been a day for doing nothing; a cracking start to a hopefully cracking year.
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SARAH TOPPING - 1 Jan 16
This time last year, I was in the grips of The Fear, following an epic NYE with an epic hangover to boot. ‘Never again!’ I wailed, having thrown myself into the celebrations with wild abandon, determined to get smashed, dance, cry and dance some more. Opportunities for such shenanigans are rare these days and let’s face it, hangovers + kids royally suck, don’t they?
This year we had friends over to ours and I’ve been mildly alarmed about feeling as rotten today as last New Year’s day. But happily a severe hangover was dodged and today has been one of the nicest hungover days in ages. It turns out you can spend the entire day loafing about as if you were a student, instead of a mid-thirties parent, if you stick to one simple rule.
Just Say No to the following questions:
1. ‘Do you want to go out for a nice pub lunch?’
No thank you.’A nice pub lunch’ with a toddler involves a lot of ‘Sit down!’ ‘No don’t put that fork in your eye!’ ‘Play with your stickers!’ ‘Please eat!’ ‘Please stop that!’ Please can we go home . . . until Peppa on the iPhone is resorted to, and she’d already saved us at 7am today when I could only open one eye.
2. ‘Are you going to get dressed any time soon?’
Let’s think about that for a moment . . . getting dressed involves making an effort, and I used up all my effort yesterday cleaning the house, cooking a meal for eight, decorating, having lots of drunken fun and doing my best dance moves to Shakira and clutching the air to Power Ballads until 3am. So that would be another no. But isn’t my onesie lovely?
3. ‘Mummy can you play trains with me?’
Well my sweet boy, your train set is on the floor, and I am on the sofa, so no, but if you come here I will put Thomas on and happily cuddle you for as long as you’ll let me. Everyone’s a winner!
4. ‘Have we got anything in for dinner?’
No, but you see your phone there with the number of our excellent curry house on speed dial? The only option for dinner this evening is curry, there’s no point even considering anything else, is there?
5. ‘Mummy, will you take me to soft play?’
I love you so much sometimes it brings tears to my eyes, I would die for you, you are the most wonderful, joyful, delightful little person and I adore you. But even if soft play was open on NYD, the answer would still be an absolute, resounding and heartfelt no. But we can watch as much Clangers and Abney and Teal as you like . . .
6. ‘Are we bad parents?’
If being bad parents means spending all day together, relaxed, cuddling, drinking tea, watching telly (and snoozing), reading stories, doing puzzles, cuddling some more and laughing a lot at party flashbacks with friends, then I hope the answer to that is also a resounding No. It’s just been a day for doing nothing; a cracking start to a hopefully cracking year.
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Sarah Topping is a freelance creative copywriter at Playing with Words and former copywriter at Penguin Children's. Her clients include Pottermore from J.K. Rowling, Enid Blyton Entertainment, BBC Worldwide, Puffin Books and World Book Day. Sarah lives in London with her husband Adam and their sons Zachary and Jonah, who rock (and rule) their world.
In between freelancing, she writes children’s stories and blogs about motherhood in all its guises, from the magic and joy to the potty training, tantrums and tripping over toys (pass the wine!).
@SarahTopping3
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