Kids and the Big Bad Internet………Where is the Love?

Chocolate and Wine is the Solution - 4 Oct 16

Now I don’t profess to be one of these uber cool, sexually liberal parents of planet earth. I can be a little bit of a prude when it comes to things of the carnal variety. However, in this digital age where at the touch a button we can literally access anything, as a parent and as said inhabitant of planet earth I feel out of my depths no matter how normalised online frolics have become.

I mean don’t get me wrong I enjoy the instant access of catch up TV, box sets and a touch of Netflix, I mean come on how awesome was Orange is the New Black? It’s the ‘spicier’ variety that I am struggling with in part and its availability. Yes, for thousands of years’ porn has been something humans have created and watched from the very earliest cave man paintings. However, I cannot help but wonder if it’s all getting a little out of hand. I give you an example, when child proofing my Son’s iPad I was flabbergasted at what was still available to view on google images even with the Wi-Fi filter and parental restrictions on by entering certain words into the search box. And this my dear people is where my struggle begins……….

You see, if you read any of today’s media you will be lead to believe that everyone is watching it, porn that is. That’s fine for some maybe and again it’s one of those subjects nobody discusses but I have my radar on high alert when I read such things as youngsters having admitted watching porn online and grown men and women with porn addictions now unable to have a normal fulfilling relationship. I mean WTF?

My own experience of such things (yes we have all been curious and looked, I’m not anti) means I can’t help but worry that if both teenage boys and girls have access to this matter from such a young age then this will shape how they view both relationships and sex. Now don’t get me wrong I am not a complete hater of it but I feel its instant access is storing up huge problems for our future generations. You are only ever one click away from seeing a whole boat load of misogynistic material.

My concerns are also about those who are in the production; have they been coerced? What are their working conditions like and then I worry that this is how our younger generation think sex is. A big thing to note is a real emphasis on the degradation of women. Why do sites categorise ‘teen’ as an option it really grates on me. I mean why is that a category? That is one of my BIGGEST issues.

As a Mother of a soon to be teen Daughter and two impressionable young men this is something I need to be well versed on. I know, I porn has its place in society, it is said to be the most googled word in the planet. I have read of it helping relationships, providing education on what goes where and even how it has helped people come out and be open about their sexuality. But at what expense to our tiddly peep’s vulnerable, curious little minds if they get their hands on it too soon.

When thinking about this whole issue, I was reminded of Caitlin Moran’s discussion ( I just love her) on this and how there is a ‘new wave’ of ethical producers making material which is created in an environment that challenges the modern state of porn and how it is educating people. It focuses on all the things mainstream porn doesn’t. The problem is this probably won’t be what our dear darlings will be looking at when the time comes and I fear this type of production will never be a mainstream option.

Anyway back to my point, where is the love? Well there isn’t any to be seen. How do we specifically address our young people on such matters when this is what they potentially are being exposed to. Back when I was a youngster one of my best friend’s liberal, cool parents had a copy of ‘The Joy of Sex’ strategically placed on their family bookcase which was free for anyone to peruse should they feel the inclination to. Today’s equivalent is what? No restrictions on your WIFI access? Erm no I don’t think so based on what I have seen. Yes I know that at some point even the most unlikely teenager is going to be curious, it is after all human nature.

But how do we teach them that this is not real life? How do I teach my Daughter that real relationships she will have in the future are not like the quick clips and constant graphic pops ups of things you just didn’t even want to see? That she must demand respect and that her body is hers and hers alone. That she mustn’t feel pressurised into doing anything at all, let alone acting out what she or her partner have seen online? And most importantly that there is no rush to do anything at all. Just as importantly how do I teach my Son’s exactly the same, to be respectful of their partner, to be loving and caring?

I can protect my children through filters and restrictions for as long as possible but I already know full well that kids talk, they experiment that’s how it rolls. But all I keep thinking is the key will be communication and discussion; I don’t want sex to be a taboo and for my fears and experiences to stop them asking questions. I hope they look at their own family unit and see the relationship their Dad and I have, and that it is that that will guide them towards a healthy, fulfilling relationship. I’m not saying no online ‘investigations’ ever, I know it is something that is part of life but I hope to teach them to know as I do that there is a real difference between instant titillation and deep true love and also that there is an appropriate time in their lives for it.

Were those parents with the open ‘Joy of Sex’ book one step ahead of the game back in 1986? Maybe their open door policy worked well for them and I want my brood to be able to ask me anything, and to know that we have all been there. You can still buy it by the way I’ve checked!

I know one thing for sure, the days of night feeds, pureeing vegetables and potty training are long gone and this is going to be one long ass road is this ‘ol parenting of preteens and teens business. So let’s buckle down and don’t forget to set your parental restrictions people…………………………

Chocolate and Wine is the Solution

I'm a multitasking anxious Momma to 3 and I have got my writing mojo back!

View profile for posts, events and more info