HAPPY MUMS DON’T GIVE A DAMN

Natali Drake - 19 Apr 15

Why is being a mum such hard work? Because we care so much about our children. Too much in fact. But I have a secret – happy mums don’t give a damn.

Come back, come back!

No one is asking you to run off to Vegas and leave your toddler to scavenge for crumbs under the sofa. Not giving a damn doesn’t mean not caring or loving your kids, it actually means worrying less and teaching your children to figure it out for themselves. And that’s a good thing. It’s not selfish – it’s sensible and it’s survival.

Let me give you some examples…

Problem: Your mother-in-law / mum / neighbour keeps commenting on your parenting skills.
Solution: Do you really give a damn what they think? Once a woman’s kids have grown up and turned out okay, they then think they’ve cracked it…that their mothering will help you produce a perfect offspring too. It’s well meaning, no doubt, but bloody annoying and insulting. So smile, thank them for their wonderful advice and give them the finger in your head. Then keep doing what you are doing anyway: you are doing great.

Problem: Your kids have been fighting all day.
Solution: Don’t get involved. Go lock yourself in the loo with a magazine, put your headphones on or water the lawn…anything so you don’t have to listen to that incessant bickering. You see, if you don’t get involved they’ll have to figure it out for themselves (you are actually helping them). They won’t get your referee attention, you won’t have to pick a side, and they’ll soon get bored. Or one will knock the other out. Either way, it will eventually stop.

Problem: Your six year old didn’t get a great school report.
Solution: They are six, SIX! Give them a break, give less of a damn; they will figure it out. Are you really going to stay up all night stressing that they are doomed to the inevitable life of a drug dealer and delinquent? Are you really going to scream and shout at them, or force them to do more hours of homework every evening when they should be outside climbing trees and getting dirty? Chill out, chat to the teacher and see how they get on. They will be fine.

Problem: Your kid doesn’t eat enough fruit and veg.
Solution: Really? They are a toddler, they won’t get rickets or be one of those weirdos on Channel 4 documentaries that only eat Salt & Vinegar crisps at every meal. He had a banana yesterday and some peas today? Great! There’s tomato on her pizza topping and raisins are fruit, right? So for now that will do. Make meal times enjoyable times for everyone and save yourself from getting a stomach ulcer…they will get there eventually.

Problem: You aren’t paying your children enough attention.
Solution: You have non-kid stuff to do? Oh gosh, how terribly inconsiderate of you. How very dare you try and have a conversation on the phone, answer an email or watch what you want to watch without involving your children in every single thing you do? You have a job to go to and you can’t see the kids every minute, of every hour, of every day? Good. Having a job and outside interests away from your children does not make you a bad mother, it makes you a well-rounded and interesting woman with a brain.

Problem: Your child keeps falling over
Solution: Don’t stress. You’ve asked her twenty times to stop standing on the chair and she fell and banged her head. Is it serious? Is there blood? Does she stop crying when you offer her a sweet? Then she’s fine. If you hover over your children while they play, over-reacting to every little bump and scratch, then you need to have a strong word with yourself. Save your concern for when it’s genuinely needed, because every mum knows the difference between the cry of a whiner and that of a serious accident, your child is smarter than you give them credit for.

There you have it, my handy guide to Not Giving a Damn. But maybe you stopped reading long ago and are now sipping a glass of wine while havoc goes on around you. Bet you’re feeling happy though, right?

Motherhood is different for all of us… if you’d like to share your thoughts, why not join our Network & start posting?

Natali Drake

Natali Drake is an author, freelance writer and mother of two little girls. In 2015 she co-founded theglasshousegirls.com - an online magazine for women who say it how it is! Her work has appeared in our very own The Mother Book, as well as in various online magazines and UK newspapers. Her YA Fantasy Romance series 'The Path Keeper' (written under her pen name N J Simmonds) is now available to order at all good bookshops or visit njsimmonds.com

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