Have you seen my motivation?

wordswithmrsh - 29 Jun 16

Right, I need some help.

My motivation has gone MIA and I really need everyone to look out for it. It was last seen about a month ago when I decided to do a 3 day kick-start diet…. Designed to strip your eating back and help you refocus on making healthy choices going forward. On day three, I baked chocolate and banana muffins AND a carrot cake, waited until I had eaten the final meal on the plan, then dived straight into the good stuff. (I feel I should point out the teeny tiny 3 day diet did not leave me hungry in any way). Then, in gesture appearing to be nice, I gave all the remaining baked treats away to family, friends and neighbours before I could do any more damage. Maybe my motivation snuck out in a tupperware somewhere around this time?

Perhaps it got tired of being caught in the conflict between my well intentioned self with an unhelpful (and probably unrealistic) nostalgia for how I used to look. And the present day’s wider, more wobbly me who is currently self sabotaging any attempts to start the shrinking process. I signed up for a 6 week yoga blitz (taught by my beautiful bendy sister) and then missed week 3 to go out to dinner. Okay, it was a super special dinner actually but I have to confess I did not order a salad.

It would be fine if I really didn’t care. I really want to not care. I want to be like all these wonderful women who write about and share their bodies in all shapes and sizes with all kinds stories to tell and don’t give a crap. I don’t feel big pressure from images of women in the media – high fashion has never been my thing and I also know that I’m no celebrity, so no, I’m not going to look like them (and they will never look like me – ha!). I’m also real, we’re all different. Someone I perceive to look beautiful and have the shape I want, might wake up and dread looking in the mirror every day. Another woman out there who is not ‘picture perfect’ in the way many believe we are meant to view women and their bodies, will be rocking body confidence I will probably never have. But now is feeling like the time to do something, I just need a kick up the bum to get going….

The ‘you have just had a baby’ excuse is starting to wear thin too. She is 16 weeks old now and although I can definitely connect all of my pregnancies to some of wobble and shape shifting, I cannot blame my baby for putting on 2lbs in the last 4 weeks by forcing me to eat cake. It just wouldn’t be fair.

I don’t want to be a body bore (I posted a few months ago about my post baby body) but this isn’t about mourning the end of pregnancy and the wreckage left a few weeks later. It’s about knowing what I need to do and getting on with it. Dig deep, eat less, move more – there is no magic wand. But it’s so hard right now because my motivation has buggered off and left me with the cake.

I have started the search – I thought I might find it in a bag of pre-pregnancy clothes – this was optimistic, then painful and it turns out it’s not there anyway. It’s also not photo bombing any of the fairly unflattering pictures me and some girl friends took recently. My motivation is definitely not on any well known diet/slimming plans or get of your sofa and start running apps. Smiley faces of people telling their stories of weight loss and new exercise regimes are great but before you know it I’ve wasted half an hour reading about how fab it’s all is going to be if I sign up and I’ve got to crack on with something else. Something far more important. I am absolutely not being avoidant. Really.

Perhaps it’s gone underground because it knows this is going to be tough. As much as I care, the first steps to get back on track are maybe a little overwhelming right now. (What if I fail? Is it easier not to try? What about the cake?) For me it’s not really about being a size slimmer at all but being and feeling healthy. Having the energy needed to run about with my tribe of three. Squeezing back into my jeans would be nice, getting back into my trainers would be even better.

So motivation – if you are reading this, please come back to me soon. I need you and I miss you. And if anyone reading this has seen it, please return to me. Most likely to be found in a cake induced coma in the nearest hummingbird bakery…

wordswithmrsh

Mum of fabulous children, wife to one very patient husband. My blogs are about anything that has popped into my head as it occurs to me. I have aspirations to write more, that are slowly turning into reality. A lover of the simple things in life - good friends, good food, good wine and of course family.

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