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Health, happiness and half terms

1
I approached this half term with trepidation. Not because I had a weeke its my children; I work during term time and am pleasantly happy at the prospect of time with them. No my anxiety was caused by bad health. I have spent the last 2 school holidays ill, like properly. In bed, on medication, unable to parent kind of ill. I recently suffered 3 bouts of tonsillitis (amongst other things) in 8 weeks. It was horrid. I missed parenting my 3 crazies and I also had to take time off work.

as I approached this half term I felt myself expecting illness,

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worrying that the slight ace in my throat was going to  implode into something other than a little tiredness. It made me re-visit the writing below. It was written during bout 2 of tonsillitis (I think) and definitely midst a fever:

I’m lying in the sofa, on my side. My head propped up so that the bicarbonate I’m dripping into my ear will drop down. I’m also coughing quite viscously which apart from making my tonsillitis hurt, a lot, also has me wondering; is it more important to let the drops do their job or to sit up and breathe air…..
I’m

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not very well. I’m feeling rather sorry for myself.
I’m also staring to worry about work. Today I should have started back for the new term. I absolutely couldn’t have worked today and doubtful for tomorrow. But I’ve just remembered an event on in 2 days that’s I’m meant to be the link for. It’s such a regularly horrible dilemma; how much do I give of myself to work to remain a good professional, someone people will remain respectful of and wish to be a colleague of. And equally if I don’t allow myself this time will I get better or will I too
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soon again collapse with something? Because I have 3 great children to parent and nurture and that’s definitely something I haven’t done any of in the last 4 days.
I know that working parent guilt is a widely known truth and often talked about but really can I just shout ”it’s shit! ”. And when I say ’working’ can I be clear that I mean any parent doing something other than parenting because I’ve been it all.
Currently I work every day but term time only. I’ve done this for 2 and half years now in a swap with my husband so that he could have a
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chance at better things for himself.
I’ve been iller in the last 2.5 yrs than even before. What does that tell me? Because 2 days ago lying in my bed full of fever feeling like I’m never going to feel better, not even having the motivation to see my children I thought a lot (all be it a little deliriously) about why I get so ill now, that it’s not worth it, that it sucks for everyone and if work/life balance is to blame then what do I need to do? But whilst simple answers may be calling out in my
Mind ”cut down working hours”, ”look at a swap
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with husband”, none of them are actually simple get a handle on. For a start we can’t afford things now, Let alone with two of us part time. And for an end if I ask us to swap roles back then I might be happy and healthier but my husband won’t.
Perhaps with another day or two of medicine I’ll feel a whole lot more simplified and giving about it all (I’ll just accept the days tying to mend will include anxiety about work, worries when I call, thoughts about what everyone must be thinking ).
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- 18 Jun 16

I approached this half term with trepidation. Not because I had a weeke its my children; I work during term time and am pleasantly happy at the prospect of time with them. No my anxiety was caused by bad health. I have spent the last 2 school holidays ill, like properly. In bed, on medication, unable to parent kind of ill. I recently suffered 3 bouts of tonsillitis (amongst other things) in 8 weeks. It was horrid. I missed parenting my 3 crazies and I also had to take time off work.

as I approached this half term I felt myself expecting illness, worrying that the slight ace in my throat was going to  implode into something other than a little tiredness. It made me re-visit the writing below. It was written during bout 2 of tonsillitis (I think) and definitely midst a fever:

I’m lying in the sofa, on my side. My head propped up so that the bicarbonate I’m dripping into my ear will drop down. I’m also coughing quite viscously which apart from making my tonsillitis hurt, a lot, also has me wondering; is it more important to let the drops do their job or to sit up and breathe air…..
I’m not very well. I’m feeling rather sorry for myself.
I’m also staring to worry about work. Today I should have started back for the new term. I absolutely couldn’t have worked today and doubtful for tomorrow. But I’ve just remembered an event on in 2 days that’s I’m meant to be the link for. It’s such a regularly horrible dilemma; how much do I give of myself to work to remain a good professional, someone people will remain respectful of and wish to be a colleague of. And equally if I don’t allow myself this time will I get better or will I too soon again collapse with something? Because I have 3 great children to parent and nurture and that’s definitely something I haven’t done any of in the last 4 days.
I know that working parent guilt is a widely known truth and often talked about but really can I just shout “it’s shit! “. And when I say ‘working’ can I be clear that I mean any parent doing something other than parenting because I’ve been it all.
Currently I work every day but term time only. I’ve done this for 2 and half years now in a swap with my husband so that he could have a chance at better things for himself.
I’ve been iller in the last 2.5 yrs than even before. What does that tell me? Because 2 days ago lying in my bed full of fever feeling like I’m never going to feel better, not even having the motivation to see my children I thought a lot (all be it a little deliriously) about why I get so ill now, that it’s not worth it, that it sucks for everyone and if work/life balance is to blame then what do I need to do? But whilst simple answers may be calling out in my
Mind “cut down working hours”, “look at a swap with husband”, none of them are actually simple get a handle on. For a start we can’t afford things now, Let alone with two of us part time. And for an end if I ask us to swap roles back then I might be happy and healthier but my husband won’t.
Perhaps with another day or two of medicine I’ll feel a whole lot more simplified and giving about it all (I’ll just accept the days tying to mend will include anxiety about work, worries when I call, thoughts about what everyone must be thinking ).

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http://www.mumsmental.wordpress.com Mother. Wife. Twin. Daughter of a bipolar mum. Shoe, Chocolate and Rum lover. I'm working and mothering and on a mission to enjoy both. I think about mental health and finding a balance in life quite a lot. Writing helps, so I blog.

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