HELP! I think I’m addicted to social media. And I hate it.

Katie Draisey - 12 Aug 18

OK so the idea of being ‘addicted’ to social media is nothing new. I’ve read loads in the past from others claiming to be addicted, but have generally ignored it. Yes, I like social media. But addicted? NO WAY!

Well, it turns out, maybe YES way. I think we’ve already established that I have a permanent inner monologue that literally NEVER SHUTS UP, and the sad fact is that, sometimes, that inner monologue speaks in Facebook posts. No, really. And I doubt I’m alone in that. I want to talk to people, I want to share experiences with people. And, sometimes, the easiest way to do that is on social media. But it’s so easy to go from posting every few days to posting a few times every day. And the difference that has on my wellbeing is huge.

Some people may not have a problem with the constant stream of social media. And in many ways I like it. But I do have my issues with it as well. Here are just some of my thoughts….

1. Social media is SHIT for my mental health. I almost said that social media is out to send people into mental breakdown, but then I realised that would be personifying social media and, ummmm, it’s not a person. And even the people behind it aren’t to blame. It seems it’s in our nature to behave the way we do with it. But WHY? Why do we seek such validation on social media? Whether we post numerous times a day (guilty as charged) or once every few weeks, I’m sure we all feel similar when lots of people like and comment on our posts. Otherwise why would we be posting them at all? But why does it matter? Why does it matter that someone liked that person’s post but not yours? Why does it matter that nobody commented on your photo? It doesn’t! But it’s easier to say that it doesn’t matter than it is to actually believe it. And it can cause far more upset than I think anyone would want to admit. Because, at the end of the day, we all want people to like us, and social media can be a right bitch for making us feel like people don’t.

2. It’s like being back at school again. Don’t believe me? What about those posts that people put up that are really vague and asking for people to ask what’s wrong? You know the sort: “Some people can be such bitches” or “I can’t believe someone would do that”. The sort of post that invites you to ask what’s happened and then they reply saying “I’ll PM you”. It’s cliquey and it pisses me off. If you have something to say, either say it or text the people you actually want to tell.

3. It’s bad for body image and general self-esteem. Which is such a shame as there are SO many amazing people out there doing a fantastic job of bringing ‘real’ bodies into the public eye and teaching us to love our bodies and see the beauty in everyone. People who refuse to add a filter, people who share before and after photos to show the difference that airbrushing makes, those who share their lumps and bumps with absolute pride. And I think they’re fucking amazing, I do.

Yet we also live in a world where there are so many people trying to sell slimming products, fake tan, anything to enhance your looks and make you look ‘better’. Because apparently your natural self isn’t good enough; we should be slimmer, browner, have longer eyelashes, glossier hair. The list goes on. I consider myself fortunate enough that I’m able to say a big FUCK YOU to these messages, as I’ve battled long enough with my body image and have worked too hard to let myself be persuaded that I’m not good enough. But there are people who are vulnerable still. Younger people, older people, male, female. Body image issues don’t discriminate and I’m still determined to be a part of the movement that helps the next generation love and appreciate their bodies for all the things they can do, not for how they look.

The same goes for self-esteem in general. There are times that all you seem to see are people who are succeeding at everything. They seem to have their shit together in their relationship, their job, as a parent, plus their social life, sport and whatnot. Meanwhile, you’re sat on your sofa, not even showered yet, wondering if 3pm is too late for your kids to get dressed for the day and wondering if it’s too early to pour yourself a glass of wine/G&T. But you know what? We all have those days (unless you don’t drink, in which case, I take my hat off to you) and it’s perfectly OK to not have your shit together all the time. And even those we see on social media who seem to have it all going well, they feel the same stresses we do.They just hide it better.

4. Blocking people. Ok so blocking people has an important part to play and I’m all for having the ability to do so when you need to. I’ve blocked a few people on Facebook over the years. The guy I worked with in the cinema when I was 20 but somehow found me years later despite having no contact details and no mutual friends. Did he actually search for me? How did he even remember my surname? I may have even been married by this point and changed my name. I don’t think I ever even knew his surname! And then there are the guys from dating sites, who think that because you spoke a few times and swapped numbers that you suddenly want to share your Facebook life with them. And obviously there’s the full on stalking. So, yeah, blocking definitely has it’s place.

Sadly, blocking also seems to work on a different, more personal, level too, which I’ve been on the receiving end of. I know I’m not the only one who’s ex has blocked them on social media with and I wish I could understand why. I haven’t tried to contact him on social media. I haven’t tried to friend him or tag him or interact with him in any way. Yet I randomly find out he’s blocked me. Why? Just in case I turn all bunny boiler?* Dude, I know where you live; if I wanted to do something, I could. But I’m never going to because I really don’t care enough. I have so many better things to do with my spare time, so many other people to spend time with who feed my soul and give me comfort. Oh, and I’m just not that person. My time on this earth is limited and I’m not going to waste it on someone who doesn’t want me in their life. I wish people could realise that and just be nice. I want to be nice. I AM nice. And I hate being made to feel like I’m not. Rant over.

*I should note here that this is merely my opinion of why I’ve been blocked, not actual fact. And, at time of writing, I’m blocked but who knows in the future.

5. Onto some GOOD stuff. What do I like about social media? I like the connections. I like that I can have some friendly banter with someone in the middle of the day because we both happen to be online at the same time and one commented on the other one’s post. I like that that banter can continue when I see them later that day in the school playground. I like that checking in somewhere can lead to a friend seeing it and inviting me to join them somewhere else after. I like that I get to see how people are doing even though I don’t always get to see them. I like that my kids and I are meeting an old school friend and her little boys next week because she messaged me after seeing one of my stories on Instagram. I like that I’m connected on both Facebook and Instagram to one of my favourite authors and we comment on each other’s posts. I’m a member of various Facebook groups, including school/class groups for my kids which are a fantastic way to keep in touch with other parents about school things. So, yeah, the connections are pretty bloody awesome.

6. The support network. I love my friends, and I love when my friends support me on social media and being able to support them. A while ago I had a minor rant about my ex on Facebook (something I try not to do but the situation got the better of me) and a friend of a friend posted a harsh response about how she’s a child of divorced parents and it was wrong of me to post what I did. I held my own against her but, more importantly, SO many friends (including other ‘children’ of divorced parents) came to my rescue and said I was well within my rights to say what I said on my private profile. I was pretty much instantly unfriended by this woman, along a few others, but that’s OK. If they’re going to be offended by me speaking my truth then I’m going to wave them goodbye happily. And I’ll always have people’s backs on there. I want my Facebook to be like a village, not a boxing ring.

7. Discovering new people, pages and groups. Who knew there were so many? I’ve found so many amazing writers through Facebook and Instagram; my phone gallery is full of poems and quotes that I’ve saved. I’m part of book groups on Facebook and now have a ‘to be read’ shelf of over 100 books. I’ve discovered new shops, clubs, activities, artists, and more. I can buy and sell things, ask advice, give advice, talk to people with similar interests or discover new things. I love that.

So where does that leave me? Where do I draw the line between connections and cliquey? Between seeking support and oversharing? Between being honest and potentially offensive? Between not worrying about what people think and caring too much when they don’t interact with me? I really don’t know; I’m still learning.

But I do know this: I’m definitely addicted to social media. I’m constantly checking it. And a lot of the time I look at my screen and think “WHY? Why am I looking at this?”. I love interacting with my friends but my newsfeed has been taken over by so much more than my friends. And, as far as my interactions on social media go, it’s OK for them to be with the same people as my interactions in real life. So why does it somehow feel different?

I need to take a step back from social media, but I don’t know how. I definitely have that fear of missing out and I don’t want to come off social media completely. So any advice would be appreciated. How do I cut down without cutting it out? How do I make sure I see what I want to see and filter out what I don’t? I know I can unlike things, but there still seems to be a lot I don’t want to see even when I do that. And I still miss out on things I DO want to see.

I’ve spent over 10 years on social media and, some days, it still seems like I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. All I know is that I don’t want to fall all the way down the social media rabbit hole, but I’m definitely on the edge and not at all happy about it.

xx

Katie Draisey

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