Help, I’m a bit lost

Carron Stacey - 5 Oct 17

At school, there was a very sweet girl who, when feeling a little down, used to say that she’d lost her smile. Inevitably, she would find it again, lurking in between her desk and her chair maybe; but then all she had to worry about was who she was going to play with at break time, or where she’d left her cardi. If only life were that simple.

Coinciding with my son’s secondary school career launch this term, I feel a bit lost. Not hugely, just a little. I’m struggling to find my purpose in life, other than Chief Household Organiser, which I’m fed up with. (And, if I’m totally honest, not very good at, and not just because I’m not always totally organised, but because recently, my memory has started to let me down. “Write lists,” they say – what if I can’t remember to even write it on a list?)

With my son’s increase in freedom has come a sense of isolation. Yes, that was a bit dramatic, but when he’s playing out, I can’t leave the house. I miss catching up with my mum friends – our sons’ schedules haven’t spared a day for a meet. (Not that we would get away with going to the park with them, but maybe a nearby cafe. Or pub!)My work colleagues have changed classes, and two left. Every year, with a new class, comes a new team. I feel quite isolated this year as I worked in a very large team. This year, my team is one other person, for half the week only. Lunch times used to be busy in the staff room, but now everyone’s too busy working to socialise. I’ve been feeling tired too. Is this due to the change in my hormones, the fact that we’ve had decorating being undertaken in the house since early August and it’s now only just coming to an end, or the fact that I’m still playing catch-up on sleep from my year 6 residential last week? Or all three? This, coupled with my intrinsic laziness, has lead to little or no exercise, which in itself is counterproductive, I know. But can I be bothered to do anything about it? I think you can guess the reply.

On the plus side, feeling “imprisoned” at home has meant I’ve written more than I used to. My lack of adult conversation during the day is conducive for blogging – I need to speak to someone! Also, I’ve managed to cook extremely well (for me) since the beginning of term and with the front room out of use, we have actually sat up to the table for dinner as a family every night. (Yes I’m one of those “eat it on our laps” mums. Beat me now with a lap tray, please.) This has given us the opportunity to connect every day (I hate the word connect but it does work) and I’ve been able to find out lots about all the new lessons my son is enjoying (like DT and PE) or not enjoying (RS or English, sadly). 

This last week, in an attempt to wean my 11 year old off his screens for an hour before bed, I’ve come up with a daily half-hour activity together: for example, watching Taskmaster (his current favourite) or anything on Dave really; playing a game; a jigsaw (we like a winter jigsaw); cooking together (I’ll come back to you on this one!) and reading together (our favourite – we love snuggling up with a book – as it’s the only way I can get him to read!). I made tentative arrangements to re-start an exercise club I used to take part in, but haven’t actually started yet.

Maybe I need to come up with a list of things for me to do? Cross-stitch? Gardening? New blog? Any thoughts anyone? I’m just about to go upstairs to demand a cuddle from my boy, while we read Lemony Snicket together. Life’s not that bad, actually.

Carron Stacey

Carron Stacey, a late-40s mum who works in school to keep her sanity. Enjoys the beach and the humdrum things in life. Mum to a tweenie boy, living on the coast in the UK.

View profile for posts, events and more info