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Hovering and proud
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The last thing I would call myself is a helicopter parent. I believe strongly in children being given freedom to explore, to investigate and to fail. So how does today find me camped in the boot of my car at the side of a sports fields while my boys take part in rugby camp? I look like an idiot, or at the very least, the most paranoid mother alive. I am getting interesting looks from passing joggers and parents nervously following youngsters on bikes. I even have a packed lunch with me, in my son’s Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs lunchbox. I smile
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nonchalantly, as if this is where I work every day, my mobile office. Brazening out their incredulity and my own paranoia that I look like one of those super-controlling mums who can’t let her children out of her sight.
It is the first time my youngest has done any sort of camp. He was so very nervous. Despite his brothers being here and promising to look after him, it seemed as though nothing was going to persuade him. In a moment of desperation I blurted out “What about if I stay? Will you give it a go then?” To which he slowly answered,
It is the first time my youngest has done any sort of camp. He was so very nervous. Despite his brothers being here and promising to look after him, it seemed as though nothing was going to persuade him. In a moment of desperation I blurted out “What about if I stay? Will you give it a go then?” To which he slowly answered,
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“ok!” Perhaps it sounds like he knows how to press my buttons, eliciting some fiercely protective response to his sadness. Does he think he has me wrapped around his finger? I honestly don’t think so. He is just ultra afraid of the unknown, overthinking things to the point of anxiety but sure enough, once distracted and busy with a task, utterly engaged and confident.
My oldest is the same. He would almost rather avoid new activities or sports for fear of failure or showing himself up. It’s almost like a stage fright, a visceral reaction. The
My oldest is the same. He would almost rather avoid new activities or sports for fear of failure or showing himself up. It’s almost like a stage fright, a visceral reaction. The
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reason I find it hard to discipline strictly in this situation is that I can utterly empathise. I handed on this trait and it is something I have struggled with all my life. To see my beloved boys, so happy and confident in their comfort zones struggle like this breaks my heart. I feel I have to do what I can to ease the way. Not by doing things for them directly or allowing them to avoid the situation and so the struggle. Rather, by being with them while they navigate it, and celebrating their small goals beside them. If that means looking like a
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fool, so be it.
A few weeks ago I signed up to an evening with a favourite yoga teacher of mine who was jointly leading a workshop with a life coach. At the time I was doing ‘Febfast’ so the option of dulling the nerves a little with a glass of wine wasn’t there. It was in a suburb I don’t know and, despite my GPS telling me I had arrived I couldn’t find the venue. I was very late when I finally found the doorway from which heard a busy, energetic murmuring. I was a second away from turning around and going home when something forced my feet
A few weeks ago I signed up to an evening with a favourite yoga teacher of mine who was jointly leading a workshop with a life coach. At the time I was doing ‘Febfast’ so the option of dulling the nerves a little with a glass of wine wasn’t there. It was in a suburb I don’t know and, despite my GPS telling me I had arrived I couldn’t find the venue. I was very late when I finally found the doorway from which heard a busy, energetic murmuring. I was a second away from turning around and going home when something forced my feet
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up the stairs. I acknowledged I was nervous; I knew I would regret it if I didn’t push myself forward. What came out of it was a vision board at which I look every day to remind me of my goals together with a confidence boost that came from (sorry for the cliche), feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
We cannot rely on other people to build our self-confidence, but as parents it is important that we gently and lovingly put our children into situations where they can say, ‘Yes, I did that! I thought I didn’t want to but I did it anyway and came
We cannot rely on other people to build our self-confidence, but as parents it is important that we gently and lovingly put our children into situations where they can say, ‘Yes, I did that! I thought I didn’t want to but I did it anyway and came
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out the other side. I might even have had fun.’
Like all siblings, my boys often scrap like mad. Over the cards they collect and trade, what to watch on tv, whose turn it is on the iPad, who fouled who in backyard games. When it comes to pushing buttons, you can always rely on siblings. But one thing I have seen as I sit here is how much they look out for each other when away from home. When one is obviously feeling vulnerable and frightened, he can rely on his brothers to support him, to encourage and to play with him.
That beats any embarrassment
Like all siblings, my boys often scrap like mad. Over the cards they collect and trade, what to watch on tv, whose turn it is on the iPad, who fouled who in backyard games. When it comes to pushing buttons, you can always rely on siblings. But one thing I have seen as I sit here is how much they look out for each other when away from home. When one is obviously feeling vulnerable and frightened, he can rely on his brothers to support him, to encourage and to play with him.
That beats any embarrassment
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I could ever feel.
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