How Kiddiewinks Affect Relationships

Corporate to Kids - 1 Feb 19

Is it me, or do most couples seem to struggle with each other after they’ve had children? I’m not talking about the smugs who say that nothing has changed since having bambinos, because that can’t be true. Something has to change. I’m not saying it’s all negative, but I have certainly found my marriage different since the pitter-patter of tiny feet joined our home.

The research bit

Over thirty years of research has shown that the relationship between spouses takes a hit (not the official term) after children enter the picture compared to relationships that do not include children. In fact, brace yourself, the research shows that the rate of decline is almost twice as steep for those with children compared to those without and steeper for couples who experience an unplanned pregnancy. So, the idea that having children will effectively bind a couple together or strengthen their bond appears to be flimsy one. On the bright side, the likelihood of divorce also declines when children enter the picture. Fabulous.

The sudden responsibility

That’s not to say that your relationship will be doomed after little teeny feet tiptoe into your relationship, it’s more the profound changes they bring with them. The initial newborn stage brings responsibility like no other, a hefty punch in the wallet and a severe lack of sleep (unless you come across one of those parents who claims their angel child is sleeping through the night at five days old. Ignore it, they don’t).

The pressure of being a parent

As if that’s not enough to deal with, there’s also the potential for physical health issues after birth and mental health issues that mums often like to deny (I know, I’ve been there, I’m fine, JUST FINE). Add to this the social pressure about slipping back into those super slinky jeans and others banging on about how close they are with their partners and how they are back having amazing sex straight after the birth (yeh, right).

Find a good babysitter

My husband and I have never been strangers to babysitters, which I appreciate sounds really insouciant, but we do check them out first, they’re not randoms from the street. Promise. Maybe not every parent is comfortable about leaving their child with a babysitter, but the date nights the husband and I have had since bubbas came along have been important. More than that, they have enabled us to spend time together again as a couple rather than just sharing passing comments around our children.

My advice (I’m NO expert)

Don’t listen to other couples, just concentrate on you and your family. Life has changed, massively, and it takes time for relationships to feel normal, whatever normal is for you, again. Perhaps it won’t ever go back to how it was pre-bubbas, but having children together does provide a special, and like nothing else, bond.

Rock with the tough times and cherish the good times. Having a child is (the most overused quote of all time, but I can’t think of anything else) a journey. Ups and downs, highs and lows, nausea and euphoria, positives and negatives. Talk to your friends about it, because I bet you anything, no parent is finding it a walk in the park and no relationship hasn’t taken a bit of a hit.

Corporate to Kids

Who: Sarah - Queen of self-deprecation Job: from corporate HR career to Mum, Writer and Blogger Children: two boys with a 13 month age gap!! Obsessions: writing, Haribos, rainbows, coffee, fizz

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