How the trials of my first daughter has helped me with my second

diet coke and a pizza please - 22 Apr 17

Everyone says;
if only your second baby could be your first, second babies are so much easier, You know what you’re doing by your second.

Now I have my second baby, this is what I wish I’d known first time around.

Labour: nothing will be happening very imminently when your first labour starts up. You don’t need to get on that gym ball at 1am when you feel your first twinges and play backgammon with your husband whilst you ‘rotate to dilate’ (true story). That baby didn’t put in an appearance until almost 48 hours later with an epidural and forceps. I should’ve got my head down and got some sleep, I was going to need it to push all 9lbs 11ozs of her out!

With my second, after I was induced I sent my husband to work, went to the ward, put my ear plugs in and went to sleep. When I was asked later if I wanted some pain relief I took it so I could get some more sleep! I woke up at 5am the next day to stronger contractions and my water breaking. 3 1/2 hours later and my daughter was there. It still hurt like hell, but at least I had the energy to push her out this time.

Feeding:
If someone else is latching your baby on for you in hospital, you have a problem when you go home; unless they’re moving in too! My first born was so knackered that she didn’t show any interest in feeding for 48 hours, happily full on syringe fed colostrum. I kept trying to feed her and it shattered my confidence that she wouldn’t latch on. Once at home, my gorgeous neighbour, herself breast feeding at the time taught me all about head bobbing for the nipple when a baby is hungry and we were away.

With my second, the labour was quicker and she went bobbing for the nipple within the hour. As an experienced breast feeder everyone left me alone to find our own rhythm. I wish I’d known first time to let her rest and that she’d feed when she was ready.

Feeding intervals:
I wrote down ALL the feeds with my first for weeks; which boob, what time, how long. I then whiled away the time when she was feeding by painstakingly looking for a pattern in her feeding times! It stressed me out; I was desperate to find a routine so I could plan trips to the supermarket (or coffee shop with mummy friends). Needless to say there was none.

With my second I just fed her when she wanted to. It seems ridiculous to me now that I didn’t work this out sooner. I don’t eat and drink at the same time each day; so why would the baby? As for which boob, a quick furtle around down your top makes it clear which one to feed from next!

Self soothing, at 9 days old:
If I ever hear someone say ‘making a rod for your own back’ to the parents of a new baby again, I will take their metaphorical rod and beat them to death with it. You’re tired, you’re desperate for your baby to sleep; preferably not on you. In the back of your mind, or coming out of some helpful souls mouth, is the notion that babies need to be taught to self soothe. New born babies do NOT have the capacity to self soothe. They don’t self anything. They’re entirely dependent. I picked up my wailing 9 day old baby from her basket, she let out an almighty burp and went to sleep. I felt like the worst mother in history.

With my second I read up on co-sleeping and made sure we were safe, then enjoyed long hours of sleeping with my gorgeous bundle on my chest. Research shows that the more you respond to your baby’s needs, the better that they do, so stick that in your nosey relatives’ faces together with their rods and snuggle away!

Napping:
The shock of sleep deprivation after my first made me into a crazy lady at times. I was desperate to try and get her to nap so I could go back to sleep. But would she nap in her cot? Would she buggery. At my lowest ebb I decided to download some ‘get your baby to sleep’ manual on my phone, skim read it and instigate some very un-controlled crying. Simultaneously I was attempting to create the invites for my wedding with my poor man. Eventually he asked me what on earth I was doing and quite rightly retrieved her.

Now, because I’m always getting out of the house with my eldest, the baby falls asleep in the pushchair or the car seat and is a champion napper! She’s even been known to be put down in her bed, awake and go to sleep for over 2 hours! What the actual fuck is that about?! I’d have killed for that 3 years ago and now it’s just falling on my plate! It seems that she needs her first nap just 2 hours after she gets up. Who knew? That soon?!

Sleeping through:
Agggghhhh, sleeping through the night. The panacea of all parenthood. In my antenatal friend group, my first daughter was by far the last to sleep through. She fed at 2am forever. I thought she’d never do it. She was probably overtired from all the daytime nap refusal that was going on!

My second within a couple of months was sleeping from 7pm til 2am…. 3am…..4am. I was living the dream! She slept through til 6am by 3 months!!! Obviously she didn’t keep it up (cruel, cruel child). But weirdly I don’t really care. I don’t try and figure out why, I don’t consider weaning early, is it teeth, or is it 4 month sleep regression, I just accept it. It will happen when it happens and then no doubt stop again. Kids just love to pop in and see mummy and daddy in the night!

So although having multiple small people brings its own challenges, I think that you’re armed with knowledge from your first attempt and knowledge is power my friends! And having a baby that unlike a threenager doesn’t run away, refuse to get dressed or answer back can feel like a breath of fresh air.

diet coke and a pizza please

View profile for posts, events and more info