close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

I Became a Lifeguard.

1
I became a lifeguard. A job I didn’t know how to do. I wasn’t qualified. I wasn’t a strong swimmer myself. I had no experience. I wasn’t ready. But when you are faced with someone who is drowning, you act. Whether you like it or not, whether you’re ready or not. No experience necessary. You’re on duty and there’s someone in danger.

To love someone who is deeply grieving feels, to me, like watching someone drown. Or trying to survive drowning.

A grieving person is drowning constantly. Trying to keep their head above water all the time

SelfishMother.com
2
and it’s exhausting. They are constantly kicking, sometimes flailing, trying their very best to survive, to get their feet on solid ground. To reach the shore. To be safe.
To be there with a grieving person you, at first, jump in and try your best to save them.
Sometimes I can the see darks clouds forming and I reach out. I brace myself. I try my best to call out, to get them to grip my arm so I can pull with all my might. Pull them out of the water to safety, to warmth, to sunlight. They can’t always hear you though and they can’t always hold
SelfishMother.com
3
on. Sometimes you lose your grip and have to dive in and search for them in the murky waters.
Sometimes you’re caught unawares. Enjoying an afternoon stroll on the beach when suddenly the tide turns and your surrounded by crashing waves and rising tides.
There are times when I want to scream SWIM god damn it SWIM PLEASE! But it’s no use. Grief submerges them. They go under. Sometimes splashing, gasping for air and sometimes silently surrendering, submerging slowly to the depths.

Sometimes, and these are the worst times, the darkest.
SelfishMother.com
4
When people push them under. They throw bombs with their carelessness or callousness. They cast nets that tangle and pull with their lack of compassion and empathy and at times down right cruelness. These are the hardest rescues. The most exasperating and exhausting. You want to scream at these people, show them how dangerous their actions are. How literally life threatening. They’re rarely willing to listen though or to take responsibility. I’d like those people to take a shift on the lifeguard tower and witness the damage they do. Because make no
SelfishMother.com
5
mistake, watching someone you love drowning is extremely traumatic. Watching someone push them under is unbearable
 
Now of course, as time passes we all learn to swim. We are much stronger, we have perfected our stroke. We can navigate stormy waters and predict how the weather will affect how we swim. We can float on our backs with our faces in the sunshine supported by the waters that once overpowered us.

You’re never off duty though. You know how tides can turn. Of course you can never save them. They do not need to be

SelfishMother.com
6
saved. Just like the tides, grief, and love, can not be contained, controlled or silenced.

All you can do is keep an eye on the horizon and watch over your loved ones as with an abundance of grit and bravery and magnificence they swim the open waters of grief.

SelfishMother.com

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 28 Mar 22

I became a lifeguard. A job I didn’t know how to do. I wasn’t qualified. I wasn’t a strong swimmer myself. I had no experience. I wasn’t ready. But when you are faced with someone who is drowning, you act. Whether you like it or not, whether you’re ready or not. No experience necessary. You’re on duty and there’s someone in danger.

To love someone who is deeply grieving feels, to me, like watching someone drown. Or trying to survive drowning.

A grieving person is drowning constantly. Trying to keep their head above water all the time and it’s exhausting. They are constantly kicking, sometimes flailing, trying their very best to survive, to get their feet on solid ground. To reach the shore. To be safe.

To be there with a grieving person you, at first, jump in and try your best to save them.

Sometimes I can the see darks clouds forming and I reach out. I brace myself. I try my best to call out, to get them to grip my arm so I can pull with all my might. Pull them out of the water to safety, to warmth, to sunlight. They can’t always hear you though and they can’t always hold on. Sometimes you lose your grip and have to dive in and search for them in the murky waters.

Sometimes you’re caught unawares. Enjoying an afternoon stroll on the beach when suddenly the tide turns and your surrounded by crashing waves and rising tides.

There are times when I want to scream SWIM god damn it SWIM PLEASE! But it’s no use. Grief submerges them. They go under. Sometimes splashing, gasping for air and sometimes silently surrendering, submerging slowly to the depths.

Sometimes, and these are the worst times, the darkest. When people push them under. They throw bombs with their carelessness or callousness. They cast nets that tangle and pull with their lack of compassion and empathy and at times down right cruelness. These are the hardest rescues. The most exasperating and exhausting. You want to scream at these people, show them how dangerous their actions are. How literally life threatening. They’re rarely willing to listen though or to take responsibility. I’d like those people to take a shift on the lifeguard tower and witness the damage they do. Because make no mistake, watching someone you love drowning is extremely traumatic. Watching someone push them under is unbearable

 

Now of course, as time passes we all learn to swim. We are much stronger, we have perfected our stroke. We can navigate stormy waters and predict how the weather will affect how we swim. We can float on our backs with our faces in the sunshine supported by the waters that once overpowered us.

You’re never off duty though. You know how tides can turn. Of course you can never save them. They do not need to be saved. Just like the tides, grief, and love, can not be contained, controlled or silenced.

All you can do is keep an eye on the horizon and watch over your loved ones as with an abundance of grit and bravery and magnificence they swim the open waters of grief.

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media