I didn’t try hard enough…

Debbie Dymock - 7 Jun 16

I have twins.

Twin girls.

They are nearly six months old.

They are not identical.

They were conceived naturally.

No, I didn’t breastfeed.

And it was that last fact about me and my twins that caused disdain to a lady I met today.

I dont normally write things like this. In fact, this is my first foray into Motherhood Blogging and it’s a little sad that it’s happened under these circumstances.

So here’s my story.

I was in town, just doing my own thing when a lady stopperd me to enquire about my twins. This is a regular occurrence when out and about. My husband and I generally get stopped multiple times when out but we like it. We don’t mind chatting to strangers about our girls, after all, they are our pride and joy and we want everyone’s day to be brightened up a little by seeing their huge, welcoming smiles.

So, the conversation went like this…

Lady “oh twin girls, aren’t they lovely, how old?”
Me “nearly 6 months”
Lady “oh aren’t they chubby”
Me “they feed well”
Lady “you breastfeed?”
Me “No, I couldn’t”
Lady “well you didn’t try hard enough”
Me “that’s your opinion. I have to go”
So there it is, the reply from the ‘busybody’ – “You didn’t try hard enough”.
How do you know? Have you read my doctors notes? Are you a spy keeping watch on my house? NO you aren’t!
You decided, after a brief 20 second conversation, to judge me on my parenting skills all based on the fact that I didn’t breastfeed.

The story as to why I didn’t breastfeed isn’t special. It is an everyday tale experienced by many mothers (and fathers – let’s not leave them out of this as their role is absolutely vital) where the decision to breastfeed or not is dictated by nature, not necessarily choice.
I wanted to breastfeed. I am one of those who believes that breast is best and that all babies, if possible, should have breast milk. I planned throughout my pregnancy to breastfeed the twins however logistically impossible it seemed at the time (and still does now!!). I didnt want or choose to spend £65 a month on formula feed (especially when there is only one income) when breastmilk is completely free.
After delivery, we introduced the twins to the breast. They latched but would not suckle; a sad situation that was to repeat itself for hours afterwards no matter how hard I tried.
So, with a plan from the senior midwife to ensure that the twins didn’t lose weight or become ill through not feeding, I went through the painful process of manually expressing the colostrum (That first bit of liquid that comes out before the milk. It’s the bit with all the antibodies and good stuff!). So through gritted teeth, tears and deep bruising I manipulated, squeezed and pushed my breasts to get as much goodness out as possible, into a syringe, to feed my babies. It hurt. A lot.I felt like I had been repeatedly punched in the boob and every time I did this (approx every 2-3 hours) I was just making it worse.

Fast forward a few hours (possibly days, I forget now) and the milk was starting to coming through. My babies still would not suckle, let alone latch, despite several attempts so I am now sat with a breast pump for about 20-30 minutes (each breast) every 2 hours to try to get enough milk to sustain my babies. It wasn’t happening at all. My milk supply was low and the small amount I was getting had to be split between the two girls so they got equal share.

This was so disheartening and mixed with post-labour emotions became a stressful, confusing and frustrating time for all involved. I was tearful, wondering why my body would not do the most natural thing ever, the thing it was built to do.

Just because breastfeeding is the most natural thing to do doesn’t make it the easiest thing to do! Remember that.
I tried to pump enough breastmilk to sustain a full diet of it for 4 weeks. 4 weeks of little sleep. 4 weeks of sore, battered, bruised boobs. 4 weeks of inner stress, worrying about making sure my babies got the best start in life but I had to give up. My quality of life was diminishing, I was tired, frustrated and this didn’t help the situation.
My babies got their breast milk. They got the best stuff on the menu, albeit in tiny amounts, but they got the stuff full of vitamins, nutrients, antibodies etc and they didn’t go hungry. We gave each baby their breastmilk first followed by formula feed to top it up to the recommended amount of feed. There wasn’t anything else I could have done. We tried everything.
As I said earlier, this isn’t an extraordinary situation. Its an everyday experience for thousands of women.
So, please, when you speak to a parent about their babies, remember that there is a hell of a lot of stuff that goes on behind closed doors that you know nothing about. You don’t know the lengths those parents have gone to in order to give their child the best start in life.
If I had my time again then I would do exactly the same. I didn’t do anything wrong.
When you meet my babies you will see that they are the happiest beings on earth. Nearly everyone that has met them agrees. Their smiles are larger than their faces and they love meeting people. They smile for everyone. They are healthy, happy babies.
They are healthy, happy babies that were not breastfed!

Debbie Dymock

Hi, I'm Debbie Dymock - Mum to twin girls, Pippa and Penny (6 months), wife to Andrew, slave to 3 cats, mistress to rock music, Superman and chocolate! Currently residing in Wellingborough, Northants. I'm now a full time Mum and part time self employed cleaner.

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