I don’t want to see a Celebrity’s vagina!

Gemma Barder - 21 Nov 16

Hello conflict my old friend… that’s how it goes, doesn’t it? I don’t know about you, but as my little girl gets older I’m facing conflict all the ruddy time. Not with her, she’s surprisingly delightful at the moment – no, conflict within myself.

Should I shield her from nasty news stories or be open and show her all the lovely people who help?

Should I be frank about romance and sex or use time-old euphemisms (ah, the good old special cuddle).

And then today.

I work at home in the media and I was trawling through pictures of last night’s AMAs for some nice shots of shiny celebrities, when it struck me how much of these celebrities I could see.

In one case due to a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ (really?) there was full on twinkle on display (that’s a vagina for those of us over the age of 6).

The plunging necklines, nipple skimming fabric, lace with no undies, bottom baring hemlines. It made me feel a bit sorry for the celebrities who feel they have to dress like that.

And that’s where the conflict came. Why shouldn’t they dress like that? They can wear whatever they like! Can’t they?

Put the waist-high split gown on the other foot for a second. If a man turned up in a suit that, when a slight breeze fluttered down the red carpet, waved open a flap to reveal his nether regions in all its meat and two veg glory there would be uproar. Quite rightly so.

If a man sauntered into an awards ceremony in hotpants short enough to show half a full moon of his backside it would make the front page of most newspapers, and the inside of all.

But no, all the men were suited and booted, most with ties on to make sure not one piece of skin below the neck was revealed.

I just don’t get it and, for every part of me that waves the banner for women being able to wear what they like, I just don’t like it. Plus, I certainly don’t want my daughter to see it and think this is what glamorous, successful, aspirational women wear.

I’m hoping fashions will change and maybe a resurgence of Victoriana will usher in a new age of high necks and floor-length skirts. But for now, it’ll be conflict all the way and a lot Julie Andrews in this house.

Gemma Barder

Freelance writer of books and magazines for small people. Mother of two delightfully dotty daughters.

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