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I feel like I’ve been kicked in the womb

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I feel like I’ve been kicked in the womb. That playdate was a catastrophic mistake. The little boy we invited over was being a little shit. When you screamed ”I hate him and I want him to go home” all I wanted to do was jump right next to you and shout ”me too- see you later boy!” Whilst simultaneously throwing said child and his stuff out onto the street.
But I didn’t. (Obviously!) i negotiated a truce. Then another and another as I watched each time you compromise more and more and him not at all. When you finally decided to give up and let him
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have his way I watched him rub it in over and over. ”Now it’s all mine. You can’t have it” I swallowed the urge to lob a book at him and Instead gently said ”let’s all play nicely”
So when you finally lost it, tired and angry and totally justifiably enraged I hated punishing you for hitting me. I wanted to hold you while you sobbed your angry hot tears and tell you it was all ok.
But I put you in your room. And I sat outside the door with idiot boy. I slowly broiled inside while he trumpeted ”she’s in her room because she’s soooo
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naughty”
And now he’s gone home you’ve fallen asleep. I never got the chance to talk you to even in an appropriate mum type manner about the whole situation, to say that aside from the hitting bit you were entirely in the right. That you’re a beautiful person and it kills me to see you having to navigate your way around being treated like that.
But you do have to sweetheart. I can’t do it for you. I guess now is as good a time as any to learn that not everyone will treat you fairly. Not everyone will be nice. And it’s important that you control
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your reactions to them. Ideally I’d love you to find a position somewhere between fighter and doormat, not giving as good as you get but not letting yourself be bullied either.
When you wake up we’ll discuss it, I’ll reassure you and we’ll talk about how you can handle it next time. Until then, sleep peacefully my angel, dream sweet dreams, while I lie awake second guessing myself and my reactions, praying I’m doing the right things to help you grow and learn, and I possibly dreaming of the Russell and Bromley boots I want.
Mum x
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- 21 Nov 16

I feel like I’ve been kicked in the womb. That playdate was a catastrophic mistake. The little boy we invited over was being a little shit. When you screamed “I hate him and I want him to go home” all I wanted to do was jump right next to you and shout “me too- see you later boy!” Whilst simultaneously throwing said child and his stuff out onto the street.
But I didn’t. (Obviously!) i negotiated a truce. Then another and another as I watched each time you compromise more and more and him not at all. When you finally decided to give up and let him have his way I watched him rub it in over and over. “Now it’s all mine. You can’t have it” I swallowed the urge to lob a book at him and Instead gently said “let’s all play nicely”
So when you finally lost it, tired and angry and totally justifiably enraged I hated punishing you for hitting me. I wanted to hold you while you sobbed your angry hot tears and tell you it was all ok.
But I put you in your room. And I sat outside the door with idiot boy. I slowly broiled inside while he trumpeted “she’s in her room because she’s soooo naughty”
And now he’s gone home you’ve fallen asleep. I never got the chance to talk you to even in an appropriate mum type manner about the whole situation, to say that aside from the hitting bit you were entirely in the right. That you’re a beautiful person and it kills me to see you having to navigate your way around being treated like that.
But you do have to sweetheart. I can’t do it for you. I guess now is as good a time as any to learn that not everyone will treat you fairly. Not everyone will be nice. And it’s important that you control your reactions to them. Ideally I’d love you to find a position somewhere between fighter and doormat, not giving as good as you get but not letting yourself be bullied either.
When you wake up we’ll discuss it, I’ll reassure you and we’ll talk about how you can handle it next time. Until then, sleep peacefully my angel, dream sweet dreams, while I lie awake second guessing myself and my reactions, praying I’m doing the right things to help you grow and learn, and I possibly dreaming of the Russell and Bromley boots I want.
Mum x

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A blog about all the things I can't/shouldn't/don't want to say to my daughter about the realities of raising her! So I blog them. The good, the bad and the extremely ugly! Maybe she'll read them one day when she's old enough!!

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