I have a daughter and I feel cheated

Veritylouise - 14 Jul 16

You already have one they said, it will happen again one day they said, focus on What you’ve got they said.

I’ve had 3 miscarriages in a row, I have been pregnant on and off for the last year. I have a beautiful Daughter with my husband she is nearly 3. The first missed miscarage I had no idea until our 3 month scan. My pregnancy with lmy daughter was so text book, no problems so I presumed the same. Then they told me there was no heart beat and it stopped growing at 6 weeks, our hearts broke, we hugged, we cried and we listened to everyone that told us it’s just one of them commen things that happen. We tried again. 3 months later I ran in the bedroom to tell my husband I was pregnant, a little more scared and less nieve this time, a week later I started bleeding, my husband was disappointed but it had only been a week, I was heart broken all over again. I desided my life was too stressful and this is why it happened again. I had my 2 year old a part time job and still worked 2 nights a week helping my husband run the restaurant we managed. We sat down and figured out I could leave the part time job and focus more on our daughter and the resturant, that was it I thought, we booked a holiday too, I felt less stressed, I didn’t want having another baby to consume me, I felt if it did I would miss out on what was in front of me, I wanted to be there for my daughter and my husband, and at the same time I still wanted to be me. Subconsciously I was putting pressure on myself all over again. So after our holiday I got another pregnancy test and yet again I was pregnant. This time I wasn’t scared, this time it felt more right than ever before, surly you can’t have 3 in s row. I booked my midwife appointment, they said they will send me for an early scan just to reassure me everything will be ok. Off we went, laying in the bed and the lady said I was a week earlier than I though so pop back in two weeks so we can see a heart beat. Still I wasn’t worried sometimes you can easily be out by a week. As the two weeks past I got more and more anxious. Then on the drive up in the morning my husband kept telling me it would be fine, we even had a joke about baby names. As I lay on that bed again the midwife took measurements and said the baby had grown, however it had stopped and there is no heart beat. My heart however felt shattered. My poor supportive husband did not know what to say. I could not give him another baby, and we can’t continue more years of heartache, if we do we will miss the childhood of the beautiful girl we already have. I felt cheated. I know I have a child already and with all my heart I am so so grateful for my beautiful ray of shine sun, that can be extremely hard work at times. I just wish someone had told me when I was pregnant with her this might be it, I would have appreachated every second of that tiny baby, instead of being ignorant to the fact that their might not be another time with another baby. I feel guilty that my husband has to listen to me cry a lot, I feel guilty that I want more when so many don’t have any. But most of all I feel cheated. Cheated every time I lose a baby.

Veritylouise

Full time mum to lily. part time massage therapist. New to blogging- really enjoying it and reading all the other great mum blogs

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