I have two Dads, what’s it to you?

Harriet Shearsmith - 20 Jul 15

You might have noticed that everyone has been going crazy over gay rights lately – changing Facebook pictures to rainbow striped selfies and letting their support be known everywhere. If you haven’t noticed this I can only assume you have been residing under a rock somewhere because it has been everywhere! The cause for this sudden out pouring of support for the LGBT community has come about because the law has changed in the USA to legalise gay marriage in all states and bring equality to those who haven’t been given it before. Obviously this is a big thing for the US, it’s a huge thing to see a country time warp its way from the 1940’s to join the rest of us in the here and now – go USA.

The thing is, as with anything that makes big news, the media have been going crazy over this and all sorts of parenting related stories have started cropping up and as a result parents have started talking. How do we talk to our kids about gay relationships?

Some people don’t need to ask the question, it’s normal in their family and their children don’t need a relationship justifying because they have never known any different. Maybe their friend’s have two daddies or mummies, maybe their uncle is homosexual. It doesn’t matter – the point is the same, they will grow up accepting that who other people love is none of their business. Sadly that isn’t the same for every family, and some people have expressed concern over the new push to normalise same gender relationships in the eyes of children, I’ve even seen one woman on a thread about Peppa pig being turned gay (google it) ask ‘How dare they turn Peppa gay – that’s teaching my kids to be gay!!’ … Hmm I smell stupid on this one, and I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.

Personally, I believe that there is nothing wrong with children’s books or tv programmes with same sex parents, however I don’t agree with sexualising children. I don’t want to hear or see about a homosexual Peppa pig anymore than I do about a heterosexual Peppa pig. At the end of the day, Peppa pig is too young to make the decision over whether or not she is ‘gay’ or ‘straight’ because she is a preschool child, and children don’t have sexual relationships. That isn’t going to normalise same gender relationships for future generations – it’s going to put pressure on children to declare themselves as one thing or another, to confuse them as to what they should or shouldn’t be feeling. We can normalise same gender marriage and relationships by making it a ‘non-topic’. It’s not big news if little Jimmy down the street has two daddies or two mummies and little Sarah has one of each. It’s no big deal because it’s just normal.

Normal isn’t a topic that requires you to chat about it or debate it – normal is an everyday thing.

When the boys start asking questions (if they ever feel the need to do so) I will tell them honestly – if you read the blog, you know my thoughts on honest parenting. I will make a point of telling them that, when you are a grown up, you don’t get to choose who you love, who you want to spend your time with or how you feel about people. You also don’t get to decide what type of love you have for people. For example, Mummy and Daddy love each other in a different way to how Mummy and Aunty Kate love each other, both of those types of love are different to how Mummy loves you. There are different types of love, and you don’t get to choose who you bestow them on. The one thing I will make sure I impress upon the kids is that the love that you feel when you want to be like Mummy and Daddy, whether it is between two girls, two boys, or one boy and one girl, is a private love. It’s not a love that belongs to anyone else, it’s special for you two human beings, and no one else’s opinions on that love matter.

I want the boys to grow up without interest in other people’s relationships, to be quietly respectful and know that it is none of their business who other people love. I want to make sure that they don’t judge or pass comment, and to know that their parent’s are accepting of whatever they choose because it is none of OUR business.

I’d love to know your thoughts on the topic, please share.

Harriet x

Harriet Shearsmith

My name is Harriet, I am a mama to three wonderful kiddos, living in the North of England - though I'd really rather be in the South where things actually happen. I am a serious purveyor of all things boutique or stylish for children and I have a fundamental need to share this obsession with people on my blog Toby&Roo. I'm addicted to costa caramel lattes and chilli - though not at the same time, obvs. Oh, and I sometimes use the term obvs... sorry about that.

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