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‘I Will Survive’ – The Mummy Years

1
Here’s a little parody of the much loved Disco song. If you don’t know the tune then you’ve clearly never been out after a break up, got embarrassingly drunk and made a fool of yourself. Shame on you!

I WILL SURVIVE

At first I was so smug, I was arseholy
I thought I knew all there was to know about maternity
I read up on Gina Ford
I thought Supernanny cool
Knew every rule
I even wanted to Home School

And then she came
My own little brat
How did I get this far without a heart attack?

I really didn’t have a clue
Every year I knew

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2
less and less
I started off so bloody smug but now my mummy life’s a mess

I wanna go, walk out the door
I once had a tidy home
Now I can hardly see the floor

There are scribbles on the wall, pee puddles in the hall
But I won’t crumble
I’ve got wine and I’ll drink it all

Just watch me now, I will survive
As long as there’s Prosecco, I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got far too many kids
My tupperwares have lost their lids
But I’ll survive, I will survive

It took all the strength I had not to run away
Even when ‘leave me

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3
the hell alone’ was all I had to say
I spent so many days upstairs hiding in the loo
Oh how I cried
Not even NetMums knew what to do

But now I’m fine, I don’t give a fuck
I’ve realised being a great mum is really down to luck
So I just try to do my best
Every day is a new test
And I’m counting down to bedtime so I can finally get some rest

Come on, join me – we WILL survive
As long as there is Netflix
It’s great to be alive
Our skinny jeans are a tight squeeze
And now we pee each time we sneeze
But we’ll survive, oh

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4
we’ll survive

Yeah yeah…

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By

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- 11 Apr 16

Here’s a little parody of the much loved Disco song. If you don’t know the tune then you’ve clearly never been out after a break up, got embarrassingly drunk and made a fool of yourself. Shame on you!

I WILL SURVIVE

At first I was so smug, I was arseholy
I thought I knew all there was to know about maternity
I read up on Gina Ford
I thought Supernanny cool
Knew every rule
I even wanted to Home School

And then she came
My own little brat
How did I get this far without a heart attack?

I really didn’t have a clue
Every year I knew less and less
I started off so bloody smug but now my mummy life’s a mess

I wanna go, walk out the door
I once had a tidy home
Now I can hardly see the floor

There are scribbles on the wall, pee puddles in the hall
But I won’t crumble
I’ve got wine and I’ll drink it all

Just watch me now, I will survive
As long as there’s Prosecco, I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got far too many kids
My tupperwares have lost their lids
But I’ll survive, I will survive

It took all the strength I had not to run away
Even when ‘leave me the hell alone’ was all I had to say
I spent so many days upstairs hiding in the loo
Oh how I cried
Not even NetMums knew what to do

But now I’m fine, I don’t give a fuck
I’ve realised being a great mum is really down to luck
So I just try to do my best
Every day is a new test
And I’m counting down to bedtime so I can finally get some rest

Come on, join me – we WILL survive
As long as there is Netflix
It’s great to be alive
Our skinny jeans are a tight squeeze
And now we pee each time we sneeze
But we’ll survive, oh we’ll survive

Yeah yeah…

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Natali Drake is an author, freelance writer and mother of two little girls. In 2015 she co-founded theglasshousegirls.com - an online magazine for women who say it how it is! Her work has appeared in our very own The Mother Book, as well as in various online magazines and UK newspapers. Her YA Fantasy Romance series 'The Path Keeper' (written under her pen name N J Simmonds) is now available to order at all good bookshops or visit njsimmonds.com

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