close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

I won’t ask again…

1
I feel I need to start this blog (see, rant) with a caveat… I’m a very lucky lady to marrying the man that I’m marrying. He’s an incredible father and fiancé, keeping us all on the straight and narrow, and making sure we eat and brush our teeth (that’s more the kids than me, obvs). He de-ices my car on frosty mornings, makes sure it’s filled up with screenwash without me even realising and keeps me in healthy dinners every night. He was a single dad to his little girl for over a year before we got serious and puts the kids before everyone
SelfishMother.com
2
else, including himself (mostly).

Which is why days like Tuesday drive me so crazy.

Our toddler wakes up at 5.30am at least one morning out of seven. Typically, it’s about three mornings out of seven. It’s a killer. Neither of us are morning people and we have an unspoken agreement that pre-6am starts are shared between us and usually involve bringing the boy into our bed with a bit of Fireman Sam until sane o’clock. However. The child has recently found his voice. And now, pre-6am or later, he only shouts for mama at the TOP. OF. HIS.

SelfishMother.com
3
VOICE. Never Dada. And somehow, somehow, this means my other half can legitimately refuse to acknowledge the noise coming from across the landing. He can hear the bellowing from the other bedroom, oh yes, but does he get up and do anything about it? No. Not without me ASKING him to first.

I’m tired too. I have to get ready for work too. I have a 45-minute commute too. And I’m trying desperately to cling on to the life I had before having a child, too. But – when your day starts at 5.30am it’s so damn hard. An almost-two-year-old won’t respond

SelfishMother.com
4
to an adult telling them to come out of the bathroom and play in their own room. You have to physically remove them. And that means getting out of bed to stop them eating the hand soap. #sorrynotsorry

But on the days when those things fall to me, I just do it. I do it without being asked to. I do it as a matter of course, because there is a small person with needs greater than my own. So why should I ask for help? “Would you mind getting up with him tomorrow morning? I’ve done the last three days.” “Would you mind doing bed time on Friday?

SelfishMother.com
5
I’m meeting friends for a drink.” “Would you mind putting him in the bath? He hasn’t had one since last Wednesday.”

No one ever asks me if I’d mind doing it. I’m never given the option of either changing his bum OR getting his dinner ready. I’ve never found his nails magically cut after a scratching incident the previous day. And I don’t have a choice when it comes to spending my one ‘day off’ with him stocking up on nappies, wipes, socks and vests. Because I just do it.

Perhaps that’s my problem. Perhaps it’s all

SelfishMother.com
6
mothers’ problems. Perhaps it’s a societal problem in that the woman is still seen as – and, more importantly, still feels like – the kids are her responsibility. I don’t by the way, my view is we both made a baby so we’re both equally responsible for him. However, I do know that if I waited until my other half’s 20-minute-morning-man-poo is out of the way, we’d never get anywhere. I can dress the toddler, dress myself, pack the nursery bag and get breakfast on the go in that time.

I imagine a lot of mums just crack on with caring for

SelfishMother.com
7
their kids without appearing to need any kind of help. It doesn’t mean they don’t want it; they just don’t want to ASK for it. So be vigilant. Help out a mama when she’s on her third consecutive get up of the week. Don’t wait for her to get the little one dressed and then say: “I could’ve done that.” And keep a close eye on the sock situation so you can pick up a couple of pairs while you’re out and about and save her a job.

I know normal service will be resumed asap. I’m 100% certain of it. As with most other days, my other half

SelfishMother.com
8
will, without fail, make his daughter’s and my lunch before he even gets himself dressed. He’ll do me a cuppa for my commute, because he knows I hate the traffic and can’t function without tea. He’ll entertain the toddler while I do my makeup so he doesn’t put my concealer down the loo. Again. And he’ll come home after me, after a day at work, while I sit on the sofa having cuddles with the boy at bed time and he’ll cook me a proper meal, from scratch… and all that is something I never have to ask for.

 

 

SelfishMother.com

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 26 Jan 18

I feel I need to start this blog (see, rant) with a caveat… I’m a very lucky lady to marrying the man that I’m marrying. He’s an incredible father and fiancé, keeping us all on the straight and narrow, and making sure we eat and brush our teeth (that’s more the kids than me, obvs). He de-ices my car on frosty mornings, makes sure it’s filled up with screenwash without me even realising and keeps me in healthy dinners every night. He was a single dad to his little girl for over a year before we got serious and puts the kids before everyone else, including himself (mostly).

Which is why days like Tuesday drive me so crazy.

Our toddler wakes up at 5.30am at least one morning out of seven. Typically, it’s about three mornings out of seven. It’s a killer. Neither of us are morning people and we have an unspoken agreement that pre-6am starts are shared between us and usually involve bringing the boy into our bed with a bit of Fireman Sam until sane o’clock. However. The child has recently found his voice. And now, pre-6am or later, he only shouts for mama at the TOP. OF. HIS. VOICE. Never Dada. And somehow, somehow, this means my other half can legitimately refuse to acknowledge the noise coming from across the landing. He can hear the bellowing from the other bedroom, oh yes, but does he get up and do anything about it? No. Not without me ASKING him to first.

I’m tired too. I have to get ready for work too. I have a 45-minute commute too. And I’m trying desperately to cling on to the life I had before having a child, too. But – when your day starts at 5.30am it’s so damn hard. An almost-two-year-old won’t respond to an adult telling them to come out of the bathroom and play in their own room. You have to physically remove them. And that means getting out of bed to stop them eating the hand soap. #sorrynotsorry

But on the days when those things fall to me, I just do it. I do it without being asked to. I do it as a matter of course, because there is a small person with needs greater than my own. So why should I ask for help? “Would you mind getting up with him tomorrow morning? I’ve done the last three days.” “Would you mind doing bed time on Friday? I’m meeting friends for a drink.” “Would you mind putting him in the bath? He hasn’t had one since last Wednesday.”

No one ever asks me if I’d mind doing it. I’m never given the option of either changing his bum OR getting his dinner ready. I’ve never found his nails magically cut after a scratching incident the previous day. And I don’t have a choice when it comes to spending my one ‘day off’ with him stocking up on nappies, wipes, socks and vests. Because I just do it.

Perhaps that’s my problem. Perhaps it’s all mothers’ problems. Perhaps it’s a societal problem in that the woman is still seen as – and, more importantly, still feels like – the kids are her responsibility. I don’t by the way, my view is we both made a baby so we’re both equally responsible for him. However, I do know that if I waited until my other half’s 20-minute-morning-man-poo is out of the way, we’d never get anywhere. I can dress the toddler, dress myself, pack the nursery bag and get breakfast on the go in that time.

I imagine a lot of mums just crack on with caring for their kids without appearing to need any kind of help. It doesn’t mean they don’t want it; they just don’t want to ASK for it. So be vigilant. Help out a mama when she’s on her third consecutive get up of the week. Don’t wait for her to get the little one dressed and then say: “I could’ve done that.” And keep a close eye on the sock situation so you can pick up a couple of pairs while you’re out and about and save her a job.

I know normal service will be resumed asap. I’m 100% certain of it. As with most other days, my other half will, without fail, make his daughter’s and my lunch before he even gets himself dressed. He’ll do me a cuppa for my commute, because he knows I hate the traffic and can’t function without tea. He’ll entertain the toddler while I do my makeup so he doesn’t put my concealer down the loo. Again. And he’ll come home after me, after a day at work, while I sit on the sofa having cuddles with the boy at bed time and he’ll cook me a proper meal, from scratch… and all that is something I never have to ask for.

 

 

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Mum to one and step-mum to another, working and living in the Midlands. I used to write about other people, now I'm trying my hand at writing about myself. Pretty much only had a baby so I could dress someone up in a costume at least once a week...

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media