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If

1
 

If you can keep your head when all around you

Are losing shoes and complaining about it to you,

If you can trust yourself not to swear when you tread on lego,

(Although inwardly you’re effing and jeffing too;)

If you can play peekaboo and not be bored out of your mind,

Or when they’re screaming, not give in to cries,

If you can pretend to know all answers to all questions,

With “uh-huh” “we’ll see” and nods so very wise:

 

If you can stand strong and not make the kid your master;

If you can think

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2
straight after countless sleepless nights;

If you can deal with a poo-nami nappy disaster

While mediating “that’s mine” related fights;

If you can bear to spend your hours at a soft play,

Or singing Wind the Bobbin fifty times,

Or smiling while your stuff gets messed or broken,

Instead of berating the culprits for their crimes:

 

If you can make lunch while wrestling with a teething toddler

And you hanker after whole, hot cups of tea,

If you make phone calls full of grown up conversations

While bouncing a small

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3
person on your knee;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To get to bedtime on a shitty day,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Until a glass of wine makes everything okay;

 

If you can deal with headstrong tantrums out in public,

If you’re great at hugs post- falling in the park,

If you can convince that monsters cannot hurt you,

When the little ones get worried after dark;

If you walk with style on that teetering tightrope

Between happiness and going round the bend

Then stand tall and

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4
smile, be proud, high fives all round

Because you must be a Mum, my friend!

SelfishMother.com

By

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If

- 22 Mar 16

 

If you can keep your head when all around you

Are losing shoes and complaining about it to you,

If you can trust yourself not to swear when you tread on lego,

(Although inwardly you’re effing and jeffing too;)

If you can play peekaboo and not be bored out of your mind,

Or when they’re screaming, not give in to cries,

If you can pretend to know all answers to all questions,

With “uh-huh” “we’ll see” and nods so very wise:

 

If you can stand strong and not make the kid your master;

If you can think straight after countless sleepless nights;

If you can deal with a poo-nami nappy disaster

While mediating “that’s mine” related fights;

If you can bear to spend your hours at a soft play,

Or singing Wind the Bobbin fifty times,

Or smiling while your stuff gets messed or broken,

Instead of berating the culprits for their crimes:

 

If you can make lunch while wrestling with a teething toddler

And you hanker after whole, hot cups of tea,

If you make phone calls full of grown up conversations

While bouncing a small person on your knee;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To get to bedtime on a shitty day,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Until a glass of wine makes everything okay;

 

If you can deal with headstrong tantrums out in public,

If you’re great at hugs post- falling in the park,

If you can convince that monsters cannot hurt you,

When the little ones get worried after dark;

If you walk with style on that teetering tightrope

Between happiness and going round the bend

Then stand tall and smile, be proud, high fives all round

Because you must be a Mum, my friend!

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Former teacher, bad dancer, loud mouth, mum of two. Mostly found in the wine aisle of the supermarket. I work for the coolest Toy shop on the planet, in social media. I write an occasional column for motherpukka.co.uk called Angry Bird. I'm a little bit sweary there. Sorry Mum. I've tentatively started a blog of my own, Brilliantly Ordinary, where I'll be talking about parenthood, and life, and stuff. Lots of stuff. All I need is someone to read it, now!

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