I’m not ready for number 2

Rachel Lopacki - 26 Mar 16

The plan had been to start trying at the beginning of May, but now that looks like it could be the beginning of October, or maybe even later.

We’re getting married in June and last year when we were talking about trying for baby number 2 we had decided that we would try just before the wedding, that way the hen do could be enjoyed to its full potential, but if we were pregnant by the wedding then that would be fine. I don’t really drink a huge amount anyway and wouldn’t feel like I was missing out if I couldn’t drink at our wedding.

However, as the wedding draws closer and closer the prospect of being pregnant again seems less and less appealing. Feeling sick whilst walking down the aisle, feeling feint in the summer heat, puffy hands and feet on holiday, not being able to sleep during hot nights…

My partner and his brother are only eighteen months apart and I know he already feels like he’s compromising by us having a larger gap than that. My sister and I are three years and five months apart and that gap would suit me fine although I’d be happy for slightly less.

Since I’ve had my son I’ve lost four stone and I weigh a stone less now than when I got pregnant. I feel like I’m finally getting happy with my weight (not my body that baby belly is horrendous.) But for the first time in my adult life I’m losing weight and getting fitter and healthier and I know being pregnant could ruin that.

I suffered terribly first time round with morning sickness, insomnia, ligament pains and feeling feint, I’m not sure I can handle that with a demanding toddler. I want him to be able to be in the park all summer running around and enjoying the nice weather not be stuck in doors with me whilst I reacquaint myself with the downstairs toilet.

Am I being selfish? Will I regret this in years to come when my children aren’t as close as other, closer in age siblings? Is it better they have a happy, healthy, less stressed mother than worry about an age gap? Will I struggle to fall pregnant this time and mean there’s a huge gap? Why does being a parent mean you spend your life asking and trying to answer impossible questions? Why isn’t there a manual for this?

I love my little boy, he is so affectionate and loves babies so I definitely want to give him siblings, it’s not a question of if but when???

Rachel Lopacki

Mother to a overactive boy, soon to be married to his overactive Father. Once a property manager but that's just a distant memory now that I'm a stay at home mum and part time property finder, counsellor and unofficial legal advisor to his Dad!

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