Imposter Syndrome as a New Mom

Sarah Quinn - 22 Aug 19

Adjusting to your new life as a mum is tough.

When you feel you’re starting to get a handle on things, a new challenge will come along to knock you off your stride.

Most new mums feel overwhelmed by this at some point — and that’s where imposter syndrome starts to sneak in.

What is Imposter Syndrome — and How Does It Affect New Mums?

Imposter syndrome is feeling out of place, feeling that you don’t belong, perhaps even feeling that you’re a complete fraud. People who suffer from it believe they’re incompetent — and don’t have any knowledge or skills in the area in question.

It’s often discussed in relation to careers — but it also affects new mums.

The thing is, it’s impossible to prepare for life as a new mum.

Even when you’re pregnant. You can read all the books you like, but you can never understand what it’s like to have your own child until you’ve given birth.

And that’s when the doubts kick in.

I don’t know what I’m doing.
Why won’t my baby stop crying?
Am I feeding him often enough?
Should she be breathing that fast?

It’s normal to feel clueless in those early days — but imposter syndrome can be dangerous.

New mums already have so much on their plate. The postnatal hormones — coupled with the sleep deprivation and a huge life change — put you at an increased risk of postnatal depression.

Imposter syndrome heightens this risk — so it’s important we address it before it gets that far.

There are a few things you can do to help lighten the load:

Surround yourself with people who get it.

Finding other new mums to talk to is essential. Chances are they are feeling the same way.

Knowing you’re not alone can make all the difference. And sharing your highs and lows with others will make you realise you know more than you think you do.

It’s important to surround yourself with the right people. Focus on the people who make you feel good and don’t worry about anyone that doesn’t.

Trust your intuition.

Nobody knows your baby better than you do.

It might be hard to believe this when you feel like an imposter. But it’s true.

When it comes to your child, you are the expert. So trust your gut — if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

Learn how to listen to and trust yourself.

Set clear boundaries.

One of the hardest aspects of becoming a new mother is navigating other people’s opinions on how to raise your baby.

But — in many situations — mum really does know best.

Set clear boundaries with those around you. Often, close relatives will try to offer advice. Their intentions are good — but it can leave you feeling like a fraud when their thoughts differ to your own. Unless the person in question is a doctor giving professional medical assistance, don’t feel obliged to listen to the apparently “learned” options of others.

Let people know you will ask them for advice when you need it — and don’t be afraid to assert your own opinions.

Avoid the comparison trap.

Social media can be a great tool for new mums. If you’re feeling isolated, it’s an easy way to stay in touch with loved ones and reach out for someone to talk to.

But you need to watch out for the comparison trap.

Everyone parents their babies differently.

There’s no right or wrong way to do things. So, celebrate your uniqueness and — if you find your social media feeds getting to you — it might be time to switch off for a while.

Just as every child is unique, so too is every parent. That means that no matter what, your parenting style is bound to be a little bit different than other moms around you. Imposter syndrome can make that difference feel problematic, but in reality, it’s not. As long as you are doing the best you can, keeping your children happy and healthy, that’s what matters. You may feel like you’re muddling through parenthood but with a proper support system, your intuition, and boundaries, you’ll be fantastic.

Sarah Quinn

Hi! I'm Sarah, a new mum of one darling little lady named Aoife. I like to write about my experiences (joys, struggles, and everything in between!) as a new mum and how parenthood has changed my life.

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