close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

In The Pursuit of Me

1
I see myself in two ways. The ’before baby’ me and the ’after baby’ me.

Before Baby me was carefree, flexible, spontaneous, well rested and creative. That me could leave the house at a moments’ notice without giving a second thought to making dinner, bedtime routines and feeding times. I wasn’t a slave to the clock, constantly checking how many times I have been up and mentally figuring out how many hours sleep I will get if she stays in the Land of Nod. BB me would get up and choose what I wanted to wear based on how I felt that day not on

SelfishMother.com
2
’what do I have that is clean (ish) that is breast feeding friendly?’

One January day I felt the tug at my insides, the ’I want a baby and I want it now’ feeling. I kept it to myself for months mentally preparing myself to change the dynamic of ’us’ as a two to ’us’ as a three! Finally, in May of the same year, whilst watching some little ducklings, I said ’When can we have ducklings of our own?’ We discussed it at our leisure, as BB people regularly can and decided the following year would be the right time.

I was excited, nervous and

SelfishMother.com
3
impatient but most of all I was blissfully unaware and totally clueless to what was coming.

Fast forward three years later and ’After Baby’ me is here. I am changed yet still the same. I am still the creative, spontaneous person I always was except it’s just hidden behind the AB me that needs to have at least attempted to plan for every eventuality and for ’just in case’ situations.

Of course I love my gorgeous girl with everything I have…and that may just be the problem. There is nothing left. I don’t have time to do the things I did

SelfishMother.com
4
before and most of the time that’s ok but this week I have really missed BB me. This week I am touched out by the girl who wants to feed at every hour of the night, who pulls my hair and pokes my face as a way of getting to sleep. I have spent more time in a dark nursery room shushing and rocking, singing and patting than I care to think about. I want to have a bath on my own, sit for an hour and read a book or spend time crafting, like I used to. At this point I’d settle for just sitting and chatting to the husband for ten minutes without
SelfishMother.com
5
interruption; ’yes, you are a big girl’ and ’no, we don’t play tiddlywinks with our peas!’

Some people (usually those without kids) might say ’well it was your decision to have kids, you only have yourself to blame!’ and to those people I would say ’yes of course it was my decision and you just wait because you are just as clueless as I was!’ Obviously I would say this in my head because you can’t say things like that out loud. Firstly, it’s considered rude and secondly because they would never believe me! I know I never really heard the

SelfishMother.com
6
warnings from other women/ mothers in the BB stage.

I consider myself incredibly blessed to be a mum but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t mean I am just ’mum’. Surely I still get to keep some of that BB me?! So, that’s what I am in pursuit of – the perfect mix of ’before baby’ and ’after baby’ me. Still creative but a little less clueless…I’m working on the spontaneity!

SelfishMother.com

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 25 Feb 16

I see myself in two ways. The ‘before baby’ me and the ‘after baby’ me.

Before Baby me was carefree, flexible, spontaneous, well rested and creative. That me could leave the house at a moments’ notice without giving a second thought to making dinner, bedtime routines and feeding times. I wasn’t a slave to the clock, constantly checking how many times I have been up and mentally figuring out how many hours sleep I will get if she stays in the Land of Nod. BB me would get up and choose what I wanted to wear based on how I felt that day not on ‘what do I have that is clean (ish) that is breast feeding friendly?’

One January day I felt the tug at my insides, the ‘I want a baby and I want it now’ feeling. I kept it to myself for months mentally preparing myself to change the dynamic of ‘us’ as a two to ‘us’ as a three! Finally, in May of the same year, whilst watching some little ducklings, I said ‘When can we have ducklings of our own?’ We discussed it at our leisure, as BB people regularly can and decided the following year would be the right time.

I was excited, nervous and impatient but most of all I was blissfully unaware and totally clueless to what was coming.

Fast forward three years later and ‘After Baby’ me is here. I am changed yet still the same. I am still the creative, spontaneous person I always was except it’s just hidden behind the AB me that needs to have at least attempted to plan for every eventuality and for ‘just in case’ situations.

Of course I love my gorgeous girl with everything I have…and that may just be the problem. There is nothing left. I don’t have time to do the things I did before and most of the time that’s ok but this week I have really missed BB me. This week I am touched out by the girl who wants to feed at every hour of the night, who pulls my hair and pokes my face as a way of getting to sleep. I have spent more time in a dark nursery room shushing and rocking, singing and patting than I care to think about. I want to have a bath on my own, sit for an hour and read a book or spend time crafting, like I used to. At this point I’d settle for just sitting and chatting to the husband for ten minutes without interruption; ‘yes, you are a big girl’ and ‘no, we don’t play tiddlywinks with our peas!’

Some people (usually those without kids) might say ‘well it was your decision to have kids, you only have yourself to blame!’ and to those people I would say ‘yes of course it was my decision and you just wait because you are just as clueless as I was!’ Obviously I would say this in my head because you can’t say things like that out loud. Firstly, it’s considered rude and secondly because they would never believe me! I know I never really heard the warnings from other women/ mothers in the BB stage.

I consider myself incredibly blessed to be a mum but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t mean I am just ‘mum’. Surely I still get to keep some of that BB me?! So, that’s what I am in pursuit of – the perfect mix of ‘before baby’ and ‘after baby’ me. Still creative but a little less clueless…I’m working on the spontaneity!

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media