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Inadequate

1
Inadequate… This seems to be how I’ve felt my whole life. As a child, I’ve always felt too big compared to my peers. I could compete on grades in school, but I always slumped in an attempt to shrink myself. I was never pretty enough or small enough and I felt that I have failed my mother because I was never as small as my sister. She was always warning me that one day I’ll be as fat as this person or that person and unfortunately this did the opposite of getting me motivated. No matter how much I weigh, I could never shake off the feeling
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that I am taking up too much space and that everyone I encounter is judging me because of it.

Now, in my 30s and 2 children later, this cloud of inadequacy still hangs over my life. I keep telling myself that this body carried my 2 lovely children and I should be kinder to it. However, it seems that logic is not working.
Unfortunately, this inadequacy extends to all parts of my life, I have severe imposter syndrome and no matter how successful I may seem on paper, I struggle with confidence.All I can think of in Zoom calls with my colleagues is how

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fat I look and I replay every single second of embarrassing moments on calls in my mind over and over again.

I look at the amazing, tidy houses of mothers on social media and all the activities they do with their children and I feel inadequate.

I see the mums at school drop-offs who always seem to know when it’s dress-up day, create amazing projects with their children and I feel judged by them and the teachers for being inadequate.

I read about all the work that people are doing to better their communities and the planet, living with a

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purpose in life and I feel inadequate.

I encounter people who look at the colour of my skin and the way that I look and make judgements on how educated I am and whether I am worth their time. The surprise when I understand what they’re saying and when they hear me talk is always so tangible. I again they make feel inadequate.

I want  to be healthy, confident and happy and I wish the same for every person I know. I also hope that if you sometimes feel inadequate, you read this and feel like you are not alone and that you are worthy of everything

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great in this life.
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- 4 Sep 20

  • Inadequate… This seems to be how I’ve felt my whole life. As a child, I’ve always felt too big compared to my peers. I could compete on grades in school, but I always slumped in an attempt to shrink myself. I was never pretty enough or small enough and I felt that I have failed my mother because I was never as small as my sister. She was always warning me that one day I’ll be as fat as this person or that person and unfortunately this did the opposite of getting me motivated. No matter how much I weigh, I could never shake off the feeling that I am taking up too much space and that everyone I encounter is judging me because of it.

Now, in my 30s and 2 children later, this cloud of inadequacy still hangs over my life. I keep telling myself that this body carried my 2 lovely children and I should be kinder to it. However, it seems that logic is not working.
Unfortunately, this inadequacy extends to all parts of my life, I have severe imposter syndrome and no matter how successful I may seem on paper, I struggle with confidence.All I can think of in Zoom calls with my colleagues is how fat I look and I replay every single second of embarrassing moments on calls in my mind over and over again.

I look at the amazing, tidy houses of mothers on social media and all the activities they do with their children and I feel inadequate.

I see the mums at school drop-offs who always seem to know when it’s dress-up day, create amazing projects with their children and I feel judged by them and the teachers for being inadequate.

I read about all the work that people are doing to better their communities and the planet, living with a purpose in life and I feel inadequate.

I encounter people who look at the colour of my skin and the way that I look and make judgements on how educated I am and whether I am worth their time. The surprise when I understand what they’re saying and when they hear me talk is always so tangible. I again they make feel inadequate.

I want  to be healthy, confident and happy and I wish the same for every person I know. I also hope that if you sometimes feel inadequate, you read this and feel like you are not alone and that you are worthy of everything great in this life.

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