Is Anyone Else Constantly Punched in the Boob?

SARAH ASLETT - 4 Jan 16

Bar two days I’ve been off work with Finley all over Christmas. Its been lovely, Christmas and all its shenanigans and then just having normal days with him. Taking him to soft play, getting his breakfast, buying a multi pack of Petits Filous because he was actually around long enough to eat them all. We spread his Christmas over our two families, as you already know his upbringing is pretty much a family affair and its been great to be with him and everyone important in our lives. Its been pretty chilled, slow paced, relaxing and well just lovely.

Until I recount all the injuries I have sustained … Seriously in a ten day period I have been bruised, poked, pinched, slam dunked and quite frankly conquered by my two year old. On the whole its been unintentional, but it all still hurts like a mother fucker. First up, he apparently likes to pinch my fat. If my muffin top is a bulging, he’s right there pinching and giggling. Thanks kid, like I need that non so subtle reminder.  He also likes to tickle people, which is really sweet and all good fun in theory. Except his tickles aren’t tickles, they are prods and pokes. He gets all his fingers together, comes at you from across the room and shouts “iggle iggle! iggle iggle!”. And you have to grin and bear it because you love him and stuff but it really does hurt like a bitch. He’s also taken to slam dunking people, this situation arises when he wants you to be a horsey but you haven’t figured that out in time. So he launches himself at your back, knees to the kidneys and arms tight around your neck. You either go down and submit or you choke to death in seconds.
However, the worst injury of all has been sustained in the tit department. My boobs have relentlessly been used as launching pads for two weeks solid. To get up off the sofa, to move around the floor and to ecstatically to answer the door.  Apparently my mammary glands have just the right buoyancy to hurl a two stone, two year old into orbit. Awesome.  And the trouble is, its always with the elbows, those tiny little, needle point elbows. I actually shrink and shudder every time he comes to sit next to me now. Why the elbows all the time? Why not the hands dude?

I’m not glad that Christmas is over, but my boobs are. Happy New Year!

SARAH ASLETT

MUM, WIFE, WORKER, CAT LOVER. TRUTH IS I'M A SOCIALLY AWKWARD WINE DRINKER WHO WATCHES TOO MUCH GREY'S ANATOMY AND EATS FAR TOO MUCH CAKE.

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