Is it because I am a mother?

Fckitmum - 15 Jun 16

D I S C R I M I N A T I O N

It’s a word that reaches the tip of your tongue and makes you want to spit out the syllables like pieces of grit that you have accidentally ingested from the piece of ‘toast’ that your toddler has presented to you, that you trustingly ate.

It’s a word that should be relegated to ‘ye olde English’.

It’s a word that conjures up a sense of great injustice and a feeling of sadness that sits heavily in the pit of your stomach.

Discrimination is word that should have no purpose or real meaning within modern day society. But is does, and for a lot of sections society, including pregnant women and (new) mothers.

Before I go on, I will put it out there – I, although an immigrant to these shores with Eastern European bloodlines, can honestly say that discrimination is not something that I have ever experienced to the levels or intensity that many many other people have and continue to have. I also do not want in any way by this post elevate the plight of pregnant women and new mothers over and above any one else. To be clear – Discrimination in all forms is abhorrent. Period.

OK, so right. So where was I……

It’s a funny old thing getting pregnant. On one hand you are overjoyed and the other you live in fear for the first 12 or more weeks of something bad happening that will end this journey before it ever really got started. Coupled with morning sickness, the sinking reality of WHAT. HAVE. WE. DONE, the last thing that any woman wants to or even should need to worry about is work, either during pregnancy or the what will happen after the baby has been born.

But sadly this is not the case.

Research by the Department for Business, Innovation & Skills and Equality & Human Rights Commission indicates that as many as 54,000 pregnant women and new mothers are forced out of their jobs each year. 54,000 women. That is a lot of awesome individuals being pushed out of the workplace or made generally to feel like crap and undervalued just because they decided that procreation was important to them.

I want to say that I was very fortunate during my pregnancy, but to be honest I need to stop thinking about the treatment that I received from my employer as something special. All they did was respect the law and let me get on with working and baking a baby at the same time.  There was no ‘special treatment’ – for instance they didn’t lay on all the cakes I could eat and they didn’t provide with a pregnancy massage once a week. If those things had of happened then I quite rightly should be grateful for my treatment, but I shouldn’t be grateful to them for doing the RIGHT THING.

This is not the norm though. I am painfully aware that my treatment was ‘special’ compared to some of my friends. The stories that were casually recounted over decaff coffee and cake were eye opening, and in some cases completely shocked me. Examples of such tales included:

• Someone who was told in writing and verbally she would receive a bonus. She told them that she was pregnant two weeks before it was to be paid, and they then turned around and said that they had made a mistake and she was not to receive anything at this time but *might* IF she decided to return from maternity leave. She needless to say is not holding her breath.
• Someone who was required to, at 8 months pregnant, stand all day and be crowd control in a rowdy bar, in the evening,  when previously this person wouldn’t have been given this role.

These kinds of stories are not uncommon. Just a look at the ‘Pregnant and Screwed’ website, or listening to stories from the charity Maternity Action and you can see that this type of blatant discrimination, and worse, is all around, and found in places like well known high street brands (who should definitely know better) down to small run family businesses (who perhaps are not aware of what they should be doing).

So, the £1 million question is…..How can we change this? (Although I suspect its going to cost a lot more than £1m, but I digress…..)

Firstly – supporting those organizations that actively support these women, not just when we are pregnant and have babies but continue to support them through our lives to ensure that other women are able to ‘enjoy’ baby baking and the journey after, rather than being caught up with the stresses of work.  I am a trustee of Maternity Action a charity that strives to end inequality and improve the health and well-being of pregnant women, partners and young children – from conception through to the child’s early years. I took up this post  shortly after having my first child and realizing that I really wanted to make a difference and help others going through this journey . While money ALWAYS helps (most of these organizations are much smaller than you think and run these services on the two P’s – pennies and passion), actively seeking out organizations that you maybe able to provide time or resources to on a voluntary basis – either once off or ongoing can be just as effective too.

Secondly – be an advocate and continue to be an advocate of pregnant women / mothers – conception and beyond. One thing that has surprised me during this journey is the tendency of people to either ‘forget’ the stresses of pregnancy and having a young child as they move out of the ‘madness years’ romanticizing how their life was, or for those who are still in the thick of it, not acknowledging that every pregnancy is different and believing just because you were able to work up until you were 40 weeks pregnant, and felt like you could run a marathon (or at least run after an ice cream van) it doesn’t mean that others are able to do that too.

Finally – where you are able to, challenge the attitudes of others, for the sake of the sisterhood but also of our children to ensure that this type of behavior fades from society like bright plastic toddler tat that is sitting in the sun in your garden. I am not utopian enough to believe that this will completely be stamped out, but I do think a world in which discrimination in all its forms is a ghost of its former self is achievable.

It’s up to us to make a difference, fellow Selfish Mothers, to ensure others are able to become Selfish Mothers too.

Fckitmum

Gin expert I Little person keeper alive-er I Master of #fckitparenting I Occasional blogger

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