Is It Peanut Butter or Poo?

Siroon Gassia - 16 Jan 16

I wrote this in response to a post a mum of a two week old baby had written.  She shames mums for being slobs and being lazy and acting like martyrs, as she has done everything brilliantly in her first two weeks with her first baby.  You will have probably seen it on social media. Here’s my letter to her or any other mums who think they have nailed parenting so soon or ever! …

Dear new mum described above,

I feel sorry for you! Two weeks in and you write a foolish little rant about mums who you think act the martyr in posting funny blogs or blogs about how damm hard this parenting thing is. I don’t like the public shaming aspect of social media, but I couldn’t help but post a comment on a shared copy of your post. My comment was simply expressed as ‘😭💩’ because when I read you were a mum of a two week old I couldn’t resist. I pity that your idea of motherhood is task driven. Your success as a parent is listed and on that list is ‘loved’. I am sure you love your baby, we all love our babies and rather than being martyr mummies when we read and post often funny, honest and raw blogs about motherhood, that is because we do love our babies and children so very much. We need to let off steam, vent and we are all different.
My Girls are not a reflection on me and how well I have done or not in mothering them, my children are my responsibility. I am responsible for given them the skills to navigate this crazy, cruel and beautiful world. I want them to seek out fun, humour and be kind and community minded, but I also want them to notice a big pile of turd when then they come across it. I am trying my hardest and I reckon they don’t care whether the house is spotless and so long as they are not wading in crisp packets and Cheerios, they are good and I am not failing them. The Cheerios make excellent surprise floor snacks for crawling babies, just a heads up there you might save some energy by not fussing on that too much later.

You see I feel sorry for you because all you could think to post about was what you had managed to do! Not how your world has exploded and how deep your thoughts delve when you realise you are trusted with the life of a new person. That explosion my friend, is awesome and something you, me and any other parent will be trying to tidy and sort out in our heads as we go along the parenting journey. Two weeks in and you are on it! Really??

Please keep trying to be the best for your kids and you clearly are, but don’t position yourself as superior or think you have this parenting gig all wrapped up, ever, especially two weeks in. It’s a complex journey and for you it’s just begun! Please remember some of your fellow mum friends will be going through tough times externally and internally. It would be wise to consider that maybe you have all the things in place for a good start with your baby and that maybe you will crash later on. When you do crash it is horrible, all that insecurity about your role as a parent and all the worries about your children; if they are healthy, happy and whether you will you make a mess of it all. I hope you don’t crash, but I do hope you are a little more enlightened by the responses you have received from your post. Maybe, I hope a for little bit of karma – a future ‘you’ having to deal with an epic tantrum on a bus stuck in traffic or dealing with the man who barks at you to put gloves on your toddler’s hands when it’s cold and you have put gloves on them and they pull them off again and again. That’s all, nothing more troubling than the usual stuff parents deal with out and about.

Love and peace to you
Kate X
P.s I wrote this on an extended toilet break. No💩, but I grab whatever time I can at the moment. Xx

Siroon Gassia

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