It really IS cool to be kind – and that includes to yourself

MUMISH - 9 Jul 18

My daughter is 13 months-old now and I’ve been back at work for a while. I thoroughly enjoy my job but I often think back to my maternity leave with her. Unlike some mothers who can find it a bit on the mundane side (which, by the way, I totally get – newborns don’t bring much to the table conversation-wise), I loved the ease up in my routine. Even though I still had to do the school run for my son twice a day, everything slowed down.

Being my second child, I had an idea of what I was doing this time and knew the drill. My son was at school all day, so it was just my baby and me. I didn’t sign up for lots of mother-and-baby classes; I didn’t cram my diary with appointments and coffee dates. I just relaxed. We’d go out for long walks and I’d push the pram listening to podcasts (a revelation!). Plus, this time, I had a positive experience of breastfeeding, which helped massively. Yes, it was constant in the early days (there’s really no sugar-coating that one), but I fully embraced it. I’d sit with my daughter on the sofa for hours at a time, catch up on the last series of Game Of Thrones and hit the biscuit tin. HARD. It was my very own kind of bliss.

On my last day at work before maternity leave, I was almost inconsolable because I was dreading the time away from the school, my colleagues and the kids I loved (I left part way through the school year, which wasn’t ideal). I even sobbed the whole drive home. I hated the thought of my life changing again.

Fast forward nine months, and – inevitably, probably – I cried at the thought of RETURNING to work. Now, I was dreading leaving my daughter. I didn’t want the phase to be over or our bubble to burst. But humans are incredibly resilient, adaptable creatures, and I’m always astounded by our ability to bend to a new routine. I, by my very nature, don’t like change, but I have to admit, I’m better at it than I think. I returned to work three days a week and quickly got used to it. Better than that, I enjoyed it. I feel I’ve got a decent balance that, at this point in my life, works for me and my children.

I am in awe of women who do phenomenal, ambitious projects during their maternity leave. The mothers who build companies at their kitchen table while pureeing sweet potato for their baby’s lunch; the ones writing books while simultaneously manipulating a breast pump. I love these stories. I will never tire of dynamic, go-getting women believing becoming a mother is no barrier to success but, rather, a bridge to it. These women inspire me and motivate me. 

But bringing a human into the world is ENOUGH. Raising it, sustaining it, loving it is ENOUGH. Just surviving and getting through the day in whatever way necessary (dressing gown ‘til 1pm, hair that’s 90% dry shampoo – it’s all good) is ENOUGH. What I was doing – what countless other new mums – are currently doing, is ENOUGH. 

Enjoy the stories of success that flood your Instagram feed; celebrate these mothers. Applaud them. Absolutely congratulate them. But don’t let your own achievements (and believe me – you’re doing great), be diminished by holding them up against theirs. 

We can all agree on one thing: being a new mum is hard. Let’s not make it even harder by comparing ourselves to others. 

MUMISH

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