It’s ok to need a team of superheroes!
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I used to be terrible at accepting help let alone asking for it. When I freelanced at my old job yesterday I remembered that person. Queen of her own castle, master of coping on her own. I lived and breathed my job. I never said I couldn’t do something or asked someone to take some of the slack. Despite there being so many people who would have done that. I was proving I had got this, that I deserved the job at a young age. That I was good enough. God knows who I was proving it to.
I battled the preggo sickness by wearing travel sickness bands and
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throwing up in my office bin. I ran up 3 flights of stairs at a huge 38 weeks determined to get everything done before I went and be everything to everyone. When people told me I shouldn’t run around so much and I needed to slow down; I laughed. But the truth was I wouldn’t have asked them for help. I needed them to tell me categorically that I wasn’t allowed to do it. That they were doing it instead.
Then my little superhero came and my priorities didn’t shift; they landslided.
I went back to work and looked around me in wonder that this
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was ever possible. I wanted to climb down from my castle before it crumbled and I failed. I needed rescuing but do you know what it’s actually harder than the fairytales make out to shout for help when you’re not used to doing it.
One step at a time I discovered people were desperate to be the person that I asked. One friend was busy when I called her on a bad day and tried to cancel all her plans because she had been waiting for me to ask her for help for 20 years!
I got off my throne and I gathered my team. I was lucky to find a new job that
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would fit the new balance. I was never going to change where the expectation I projected was that I could do anything and everything. I swallowed my pride and told people what I needed from them.
The superhero’s were all there. My legendary husband had been doing all the cooking and cleaning, making sure I ate and went to bed and didn’t JUST work for years. But you’ve got to tell them that you need them and what you need from them and that is HARD.
So this photo is me today. From the still legendary husband who got up with a snotty toddler so
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I could lay in then walked the dog in the sleet so I could rest because I’m just not shaking off a virus. (People have said you never got ill before – I did you just didn’t know about it). To the friends who text, call, come round, forgive me for cancelling plans and are just there even when they’ve so much on themselves. To the family who step in day in day out with childcare and meals and love. To the colleagues that I now actually bombard for advice and favours. To the mini superhero who treats me like a rockstar whenever I walk into a room.
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They’ve got my back and damn it’s amazing.
And lastly, to the old colleagues I saw yesterday. To the new ones now doing my job. You asked me how I did it? And how I’m so chilled? And how do I look so well? I’m sorry I created an image that you’re trying to live up to. It wasn’t real. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you for help so you would know that I found it hard too. My only advice is that the world is full of superheroes and you’ve got to step down for a second and call for help. Because you’ll find out that with a team, there is
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always someone who is willing to have your back.
Credit to @scampanddude for the amazing jumper and constant reminder that we’re not alone and we can’t do it all.
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Rachel Buckley - 3 Feb 18
I used to be terrible at accepting help let alone asking for it. When I freelanced at my old job yesterday I remembered that person. Queen of her own castle, master of coping on her own. I lived and breathed my job. I never said I couldn’t do something or asked someone to take some of the slack. Despite there being so many people who would have done that. I was proving I had got this, that I deserved the job at a young age. That I was good enough. God knows who I was proving it to.
I battled the preggo sickness by wearing travel sickness bands and throwing up in my office bin. I ran up 3 flights of stairs at a huge 38 weeks determined to get everything done before I went and be everything to everyone. When people told me I shouldn’t run around so much and I needed to slow down; I laughed. But the truth was I wouldn’t have asked them for help. I needed them to tell me categorically that I wasn’t allowed to do it. That they were doing it instead.
Then my little superhero came and my priorities didn’t shift; they landslided.
I went back to work and looked around me in wonder that this was ever possible. I wanted to climb down from my castle before it crumbled and I failed. I needed rescuing but do you know what it’s actually harder than the fairytales make out to shout for help when you’re not used to doing it.
One step at a time I discovered people were desperate to be the person that I asked. One friend was busy when I called her on a bad day and tried to cancel all her plans because she had been waiting for me to ask her for help for 20 years!
I got off my throne and I gathered my team. I was lucky to find a new job that would fit the new balance. I was never going to change where the expectation I projected was that I could do anything and everything. I swallowed my pride and told people what I needed from them.
The superhero’s were all there. My legendary husband had been doing all the cooking and cleaning, making sure I ate and went to bed and didn’t JUST work for years. But you’ve got to tell them that you need them and what you need from them and that is HARD.
So this photo is me today. From the still legendary husband who got up with a snotty toddler so I could lay in then walked the dog in the sleet so I could rest because I’m just not shaking off a virus. (People have said you never got ill before – I did you just didn’t know about it). To the friends who text, call, come round, forgive me for cancelling plans and are just there even when they’ve so much on themselves. To the family who step in day in day out with childcare and meals and love. To the colleagues that I now actually bombard for advice and favours. To the mini superhero who treats me like a rockstar whenever I walk into a room. They’ve got my back and damn it’s amazing.
And lastly, to the old colleagues I saw yesterday. To the new ones now doing my job. You asked me how I did it? And how I’m so chilled? And how do I look so well? I’m sorry I created an image that you’re trying to live up to. It wasn’t real. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you for help so you would know that I found it hard too. My only advice is that the world is full of superheroes and you’ve got to step down for a second and call for help. Because you’ll find out that with a team, there is always someone who is willing to have your back.
Credit to @scampanddude for the amazing jumper and constant reminder that we’re not alone and we can’t do it all.
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