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its ok to not be ok.

1
it’s ok to not be ok….

I’m not ok today!

Today has been hard, I went to bed in pain, I barely slept, I woke up in so many levels of pain I didn’t know where to start with pills and the pain has continued.

now although everyone likes the funny blogs, in light of recent #dailyfail bollocks let’s go for my day today and then ask why, we, as bloggers make light…

walking today has felt like being knifed.. knifed in my foot… the reason? because I have poor bones, I have early onset hereditary osteoarthritis, so my feet are nearly

SelfishMother.com
2
always broken! I don’t very often have them fixed because they just break again! when it gets to the point where I need to go in pot it’s always for 12 weeks which is super inconvenient with young kids and a baby. this then extends to all my joints but mainly my ankles and hips. they have already told me I need bilateral hip replacements I’ve just been putting it off. when the weather is damp and cold it sets it off and so today has been agony, even with high levels of pain relief it kills!

The kids are great and don’t pay much attention, but my

SelfishMother.com
3
legs give way and I tumble over frequently. that then hurts more and usually means another crack in my foot.

The kids have been super over tired and I’ve been up and down the stairs… all three levels continuing to play with them despite the pain, I’ve baked cakes and cleared up all the mess the babies made helping whilst also making pots of tea with cups and saucers because grannie and grandpa came across and we wanted it to be special.

I’ve had to carry one up to bed because he was to tired to walk up and cried at the thought of walking, so

SelfishMother.com
4
as any good mother does I grabbed him into a huge bear hug and took him up for a nap and with every step my pain increased and I could feel the tears roll down my cheek.

My precious girl wanted to lay on top of me for cuddles because she felt poorly and the extra weight she put on my hip makes it sublux a bit which is excruciating but I won’t move her because she’s settled, she is comfortable and she is resting… instead opting for the pain and fixing my hip when she wakes up…

I’ve cooked them tea and been told it’s yucky, I’ve played

SelfishMother.com
5
with them in the bath, knelt on the floor to play with them whilst washing their hair, trying to hide the struggle of getting back up!

I’ve sat on the original slate tiles in the house for two full cycles with my legs pressed firmly up the door so that the kids can have their favourite top and favourite towel. all whilst wanting to scream in agony when it started to spin because I though the vibrations were going to rip my legs clean off!

I’ve carried my baby around with me, I’ve laid on the floor playing and helped him do tummy time

SelfishMother.com
6
regardless of how much it hurt my tummy as im still recovering from labour… ignoring the fact that when I stand I’ll bleed out and the process of healing starts over again… they want me in hospital but I just don’t have the time, I don’t want to be away from my babies! no one can raise them like me, my grease monkey does a fine job but he has a great career that is taking us as a family places and improving our lives! so I can’t go in because that would mean him taking time off and putting us back, putting him back! he’s finally happy, settled
SelfishMother.com
7
and doing amazing so why would I be selfish and go in to be sorted.

Today I could feel the darkness, the overwhelming sadness that comes with the dark bubble! the need to hide away, curl up and sob!
Today could easily slip into the realms of PND… so tomorrow I’ll dust myself off, hope the pain eases a little and head outside regardless of how I feel! I will try to engage with someone just to have a conversation, even if it’s just about the weather! why…?? so that I can try and tame the potential for the PND beast to kick in!

why do some

SelfishMother.com
8
mothers have a glass of wine at night?? for the same reason some phase out to the soaps… or pop a bar of chocolate in their mouths and why some even take sleeping pills…. we do it to get through the rough days when the kids have actually been relatively good but you’ve actually felt completely flat, useless and worthless!

Today my tea pots are in the sink, the washing isn’t finished because the washer is broken and the kids weren’t asleep when they usually are! today I feel like I’ve failed at everything!

*** this is why we make light of

SelfishMother.com
9
the bad times *** because no one wants to face the true, harsh reality of parent alienation and how sometimes the days just kick you when you’re already down!
SelfishMother.com

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- 18 May 17

it’s ok to not be ok….

I’m not ok today!

Today has been hard, I went to bed in pain, I barely slept, I woke up in so many levels of pain I didn’t know where to start with pills and the pain has continued.

now although everyone likes the funny blogs, in light of recent #dailyfail bollocks let’s go for my day today and then ask why, we, as bloggers make light…

walking today has felt like being knifed.. knifed in my foot… the reason? because I have poor bones, I have early onset hereditary osteoarthritis, so my feet are nearly always broken! I don’t very often have them fixed because they just break again! when it gets to the point where I need to go in pot it’s always for 12 weeks which is super inconvenient with young kids and a baby. this then extends to all my joints but mainly my ankles and hips. they have already told me I need bilateral hip replacements I’ve just been putting it off. when the weather is damp and cold it sets it off and so today has been agony, even with high levels of pain relief it kills!

The kids are great and don’t pay much attention, but my legs give way and I tumble over frequently. that then hurts more and usually means another crack in my foot.

The kids have been super over tired and I’ve been up and down the stairs… all three levels continuing to play with them despite the pain, I’ve baked cakes and cleared up all the mess the babies made helping whilst also making pots of tea with cups and saucers because grannie and grandpa came across and we wanted it to be special.

I’ve had to carry one up to bed because he was to tired to walk up and cried at the thought of walking, so as any good mother does I grabbed him into a huge bear hug and took him up for a nap and with every step my pain increased and I could feel the tears roll down my cheek.

My precious girl wanted to lay on top of me for cuddles because she felt poorly and the extra weight she put on my hip makes it sublux a bit which is excruciating but I won’t move her because she’s settled, she is comfortable and she is resting… instead opting for the pain and fixing my hip when she wakes up…

I’ve cooked them tea and been told it’s yucky, I’ve played with them in the bath, knelt on the floor to play with them whilst washing their hair, trying to hide the struggle of getting back up!

I’ve sat on the original slate tiles in the house for two full cycles with my legs pressed firmly up the door so that the kids can have their favourite top and favourite towel. all whilst wanting to scream in agony when it started to spin because I though the vibrations were going to rip my legs clean off!

I’ve carried my baby around with me, I’ve laid on the floor playing and helped him do tummy time regardless of how much it hurt my tummy as im still recovering from labour… ignoring the fact that when I stand I’ll bleed out and the process of healing starts over again… they want me in hospital but I just don’t have the time, I don’t want to be away from my babies! no one can raise them like me, my grease monkey does a fine job but he has a great career that is taking us as a family places and improving our lives! so I can’t go in because that would mean him taking time off and putting us back, putting him back! he’s finally happy, settled and doing amazing so why would I be selfish and go in to be sorted.

Today I could feel the darkness, the overwhelming sadness that comes with the dark bubble! the need to hide away, curl up and sob!
Today could easily slip into the realms of PND… so tomorrow I’ll dust myself off, hope the pain eases a little and head outside regardless of how I feel! I will try to engage with someone just to have a conversation, even if it’s just about the weather! why…?? so that I can try and tame the potential for the PND beast to kick in!

why do some mothers have a glass of wine at night?? for the same reason some phase out to the soaps… or pop a bar of chocolate in their mouths and why some even take sleeping pills…. we do it to get through the rough days when the kids have actually been relatively good but you’ve actually felt completely flat, useless and worthless!

Today my tea pots are in the sink, the washing isn’t finished because the washer is broken and the kids weren’t asleep when they usually are! today I feel like I’ve failed at everything!

*** this is why we make light of the bad times *** because no one wants to face the true, harsh reality of parent alienation and how sometimes the days just kick you when you’re already down!

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I'm clearly a crazy woman with three children under 4. They are my whole world and amaze me daily with their antics and attitudes. Watching them develop into little people and learning how different they all are is simply the most amazing thing in the world. I do my best to raise them but really, we are all winging it!! I'm also a dedicated and dutiful wife to a grease monkey. He calls me Princess but I also have a potty mouth and a penchant for energy drinks and beer. I'm a mummy blogger trying to reassure parents out there that regardless of what people post, lives are not always what they seem. I'm a crochet designer, complete yarn snob and addict. I like to focus mainly on charity work but also love to make custom beautiful heirlooms for people to treasure. '#anjisashes' I'm one of the creators of the Facebook group 'Spreading the love UK' which is all about kindness and passing it forward. The world is sadly so full of hate. I don't want my children raised with hate or prejudice in their hearts so we do things for others for no reward other than to be kind! I'm also a complete and utter crazy cat lady and would happily have a house full of tiny mini me's and cats! Got to love the fur babies!!

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