It’s the Final Countdown

Emily - 28 Jul 15

The summer is upon us and whilst I would normally embrace this season with arms wide open I can’t help but think about this small niggling feeling inside of me. It’s the kind that you can’t quite put your finger on but it’s there when I wake and grows throughout the day until I remember, she’s going to school.

I knew this day was coming, for Pete’s sake it’s not like it’s been a total surprise and yet here I am still feeling slightly shell shocked that in less than six weeks my baby, my first born will be going to primary school.

The many school visits and lengthy application process enabled me to temporarily squash that niggling feeling until after six months of waiting I received that much anticipated email at 6am informing us that our daughter had got a place at our first choice school.

After the screams of delight to one of my best friends on the realisation that our children would be going to the same school and the sobs of relief to my husband, it suddenly dawned on me that this was the next big step and it was approaching a little too fast for my liking.

The nursery graduation is what I am dreading the most. Yes that’s right GRADUATION, not just a few waves goodbye and a group photo. This is a full on gown wearing, mortarboard throwing, scroll presenting, professional photo taking production that is sure to reduce me to a sobbing mess; no amount of waterproof mascara is going to save me!

And then there is the graduation song that we are supposed to practice with them. I can’t even make it to the second verse without breaking down. I keep thinking of that tiny face that peered up through the water at me when I first met her (she was a pool birth, I didn’t discover her down by the river like Moses!) and then my heart starts protesting at the very thought of her disappearing through the school gates.

What I’ve realised is that up until this point I’ve had total control over her time. I have a say over friendships and activities, I can pick her up at anytime I choose from preschool but now all of that is about to disappear and I need to hand that control over to the school and give trust to my four year old. No longer will I be indulged with lengthy daily accounts from her preschool, they will soon be replaced with quarterly written reports and 10-minute parent evening appointments.

There is also a whole new world of play dates and parties to contend with. I’m learning everyday about the growing etiquette of such activities (it’s quite mind boggling someone should write a book!). How party invitations are now handed out and the first steps to organising that play date at their new friend’s house. I’ve listened intently to stories from friends who have gone through all of this before and lain awake at night worrying about the friends she will meet and what if we don’t like them or worse, what if they don’t like her?

My best coping strategy in a situation that makes me uneasy is always information information information. At the school parents evening I eagerly sat clutching my notebook and jotted down an ever growing list of questions and notes. I’ve met some of the friendly PTA at the school induction day and have inscribed all of the terms dates and inset days into my diary! Yet with all that, the niggling feeling is still there.

I know I am not alone. I have a whole group of wonderful friends that are going through exactly the same thing right now and that in itself makes this whole situation just a little bit easier. I also feel secretly excited by the prospect of some one-to-one time with my youngest.

The thing is I don’t wish for any time back or miss the baby stage. I look at her and feel so proud of the confident little girl she is turning into. I love the fact that we can have a proper conversation and I enjoy listening about the new things she’s discovered at preschool, but most importantly I know she is ready to go. The question is, am I ready?

The truth is I’m not sure I will ever be 100% ready. The first school day, their first heartbreak, the first job. Nothing can fully prepare us for what lies ahead but after this summer is over all I know is that I will be armed with as much love, support and phonics knowledge (!) as I can be, and that’s the best I can do for now.

Emily

Emily lives in Hampshire with her Husband and between them they are the proud parents of two little beauties, Isabella and Evelyn. When she's not chasing a two year old streaking across the house or tidying up the entire Disney collection of Princess gowns, Emily can be found hiding in the marketing department of a well known University.

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