Why It’s Okay To Get The Christmas Blues

Anniki Sommerville - 8 Dec 16

Parenthood is one long tale of reconciling expectations with reality. You go on holiday for the first time and realise you’re in the same situation but in a hotter, less convenient location. You wake up in the morning with a hangover and the knowledge that the day will unfold like every other and there’s no room for self-pity/TV marathons and lying on the floor.

‘Oh another whinge,’ I hear you say, ‘Another big long Mum whinge.’

Yawn.

And I get it. We choose children. Perhaps we’re too self-absorbed these days to remember just how lucky we are. But we’re entitled to vent yes? There is darkness and light.

I love Christmas.  I love the foodie supplements that start showing up in the papers 1st weekend of November. I love mince pies,  Bailey’s, pigs in blankets, sprouts, stuffing, ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’, ‘Bad Santa’, ‘Driving Home for Christmas’, ‘Home Alone’, ‘Scrooged’, the Christmas Eve church service, the lights in town and the wonder of kids who are so excited they can’t breathe. ALL THAT GOOD STUFF. So I should be happy. Right? I should be like the proverbial pig in muck rolling about in Christmas joy and ripping the cardboard doors off my Dairy Milk advent calendar with a WHOOP WHOOP.

The thing is this year has been tricky. I’ve met incredible people, made new friends and done new things.  I’ve been more honest and said no to stuff I’m not interested in. I’ve also had a miscarriage, a difficult time in my professional life and been nagged by a constant sense that I’m letting someone, somewhere down (my daughter/my work/my friends/my partner). I’m often plagued by insomnia. I worry about my daughter being an only child. I feel sad about the baby that never was. I worry about Donald Trump and the elephants that are going extinct. I worry about my corporate job. It’s big and small stuff.

And I’m sure you have your own list right? (but I feel like Donald Trump and elephants are pretty much on everyone’s right now).

Last weekend I went to church. It’s a long story. It was actually an accident and I only went in to get warm with my daughter but ended up being ushered into a pew. Whether you believe in church or not, the whole thing was very consoling. The music soothed my frazzled nerves. We prayed for people less fortunate than ourselves. I felt a sense of community and belonging that had been absent. I cried a bit.

This Christmas I’m accepting that I may feel  down. I won’t be dressed in black or spoiling the fun but I won’t chase some sort of IDEAL CHRISTMAS DREAM either. It’s been a mixed bag and no amount of mincemeat will fix that.

And if you’re feeling the same… go easy. Call a friend. Have a cry. Don’t try and be the best CHRISTMAS MOTHER you’ve ever been and exhaust yourself with icing Gingerbread houses, hand-painted wrapping paper and knitted personalised Christmas socks (unless you enjoy those things).  Don’t worry if you have a fight with your partner or the kids eat all the chocolates from the calendar and it’s only one week in. Write down all those worries  and work out whether you can tackle any of them. If not, continue worrying. Worry is normal. Feeling happy all the time isn’t. At Christmas the emphasis on being extra- happy can feel a bit of a burden.

It’s okay. We’re all okay. And when we’re not that’s okay too.

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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