Jealous Of A Sheep

Honest Mummy - 16 Jul 17

I know it sounds crazy and I shouldn’t be jealous of a sheep but this was the case when Ewan The F***ing Dream Sheep could soothe my new little daughter when I wasn’t able to, the bastard. I felt like an absolute failure as Ewan had succeeded where I couldn’t.

It’s normal for babies to cry and this is how they communicate, bla, bla, bla, which is all very well, but not knowing what they’re trying to communicate makes for outright confusion and frustration. All parents face new challenges as we try to figure out how to meet our baby’s needs. It’s our instinct to want to calm our babies, but being a first-time parent, it’s not always instinctive to know what to do.

We’d made it to week two feeling like Super Parents, lucky to have birthed the ‘best baby ever’. And I’d been so proud of myself that I’d immediately taken to motherhood and knew how to calm and soothe my new little daughter with ease. But one particularly difficult night this illusion was shattered when we just could not figure out why she was crying.

We went through the usual ‘checklist’ including feeding, changing, winding, checking her temperature, but none of these worked and we were bang out of reasons to blame for her unhappiness. And although she did stop screaming to high heaven when I let her suckle my baby finger this wasn’t a permanent solution if I wanted to get some rest as well.

We could accomplish moments of calm, but it was truly Ewan that settled her properly. And even worse, it was my husband who thought to fetch Ewan. So, despite the fact I’d spent hours with her, I literally had no hand in the final calming stage. This made everything I’d done up until that point redundant, ultimately rendering me useless. Dramatic yes, but that’s how I felt in that moment: crushed.

This magical smug-arse sheep had worked so well because it’s supposed to replicate the sounds baby hears whilst in the womb including a pregnant mother’s resting heartbeat, which is soothing to a baby. I’m not being paid to say this by the way. Bottom line is that babies spend so much time all cosy and warm in the womb that they don’t want to leave.

My parents told me they were selling my childhood home at age thirty and I felt a lot of sadness about that. I’d grown up there, run around naked in the garden (both as a toddler and young adult), had my first kiss there, my mum had marked my brother and mine’s heights on the kitchen wall. I was sad. So, I imagine babies are mad as hell with both parents that they were disturbed from their little homes.

So, try and visualise this with me for a moment. Imagine waking up at 3am, not knowing where you are and being confronted by a giant stranger who speaks a foreign language. (I appreciate this will be easier for some of us to visualise than others). Remember, you’ve been waiting for your magical baby to arrive for nine months, but they have no idea what the hell just happened to them. Your baby is still getting to know you, as much as the other way around.

All my baby wanted was to hear the comforting sounds of my womb from Ewan. But sometimes, there won’t be anything wrong and babies will just cry for no god-damn reason. It’s in these instances that you must be prepared with an arsenal of tricks to help soothe your fussy baby: kangaroo cuddles, swaddling shushing, swinging, bouncing… vodka (for you not the baby).

Ultimately, it takes a lot of patience at the beginning while you figure out what’s best. And patience is the last thing you have when dealing with a screaming baby. And you’ll snap at your partner like you never have before. And although these observations won’t help you if you’re reading this stuck in the moment, just know that it does get better: every night won’t be like the one you’re experiencing right now. Very soon your baby will smile at you, and all the hard graft will be worth it, promise.

Honest Mummy

Mid-30's (shit!), mum of one, writer enthusiast, lover of food!

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