JOY IS TAKING THE HANDBRAKE OFF…

Miisa Mink - 4 Nov 14

On Saturday night I took my five year olds to watch the fireworks at our local park. The rockets were too noisy for them so we took refuge in a bouncy castle. Watching my two boisterous boys hurl themselves around joyfully, I noticed that many mothers were trying to stop their offspring having too much fun: “Oh don’t jump that high. Oh, don’t slide there!”

That got me thinking of my own childhood. I was quite a boisterous girl, and I’m sure my mother meant well as she tried to keep me safe, but actually she was mostly trying to micromanage me, dampening down my enthusiasm. I couldn’t climb trees in case I fell (but I did it anyway). Stepping-stones in a river were to be strictly avoided. When I went through my outrageous clothes phase as a teen she was always looking critically at my outfits and asking ‘Now is that a good idea?” Well of course it was a good idea – because it was mine!

Sure we want to keep our children alive and safe, and not harming anyone else, but are we being over-protective? In our eagerness to keep the kids from harm we may in fact instil a fear of fully enjoying the moment, and prevent them from feeling complete happiness.

This was certainly the case for me, although I had very loving and well-meaning parents. I ended up feeling like I had a hand-break on. This nagging feeling that I’m not entitled to complete happiness. There should always be a little bit of suffering. You can have fun, but don’t have too much fun. You can be happy, but not too happy!

I’ve worked hard since then to lift the lid and let the sun shine in in its full glory.

At DrivenWoman, the women’s network I founded, I see a lot of women in their forties looking for that unconditional feeling of happiness, the lid-less joy of life.

Micromanaging mothers (and fathers) may instil a life-long fear of fully letting go and enjoying the moment. Over protectiveness stops us from trusting our own judgment and feelings. As children we learn that other people know best. But to be happy you can’t follow someone else’s script!

So I’m trying to leave the lid open for my children, to let them develop their own judgment. If we could learn to find our own way and allow ourselves to be happy, we might save decades of soul-searching for our children.

Miisa Mink

Miisa Mink is a London based entrepreneur, author, blogger and mother to 5 year old twin boys Miika and Aku. She's the founder of women's proactive network, DrivenWoman (www.drivenwoman.co.uk).

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