‘Just’ a mum

Naomi Jones - 15 Sep 17

I sat next to a man at a wedding recently who asked me what I did. ‘I’m just a mum’ I said. Just. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I wondered why I’d said it. Of course your occupation doesn’t define you, except when you meet a stranger, it kind of does.

The truth is since I stopped working full time after having my first son, I’m not really sure what to call myself. The most popular term is probably ‘stay at home mum’. Of course I’d go crazy if I actually stayed at home all day. The last insurance form I filled in gave me the option of ‘house-person’. Like a house plant. Very flattering. ‘Full time mum’ suggests anyone who works is only a part time mum, which is clearly rubbish. I believe the government defines me as ‘economically inactive’ which isn’t strictly true. I’m spending money even though I’m no longer earning it. I honestly don’t know which term is worse.

You could argue it doesn’t really matter what job title you have, that you shouldn’t worry what others think of you, and you’d be right. Except once I didn’t go back to work at the end of maternity leave I discovered it did matter, to me. I hadn’t fully appreciated until then just how big a part of my identity my occupation had been. Who was I now I didn’t work any more? I didn’t feel like the old ‘me’ anymore, but I hadn’t quite got to grips with the new ‘me’ either. I used to be many things at once and suddenly it felt like I spent most of my time as just one thing, ‘mum’.

It’s taken me a while to get a hold on my new identity. I’ve had to shrug of the feeling that I’m not pulling my weight or somehow letting feminism, or my younger, fiercely independent self down. I’ve had to reconcile that I’m still fundamentally the same person, just with two gorgeous little boys and a new lifestyle. I still have the same interests, even if I have significantly less time to indulge them. My brain has not turned to mush (although some days I do wonder). I may spend most of my waking hours as ‘mum’, I may have very little time to myself, but I am still many other things than ‘just’ a mum.

As for the question of what I do when asked by strangers, I’ve started saying ‘I look after my two little boys.’ Much more accurate. I’ve slowly learnt to take pride in what I do and I need to reflect that in the way I think, and speak about myself. And try to never say ‘just’ a mum again.

Naomi Jones

Proud mum to two small boys, children's author and book reviewer. My debut picture book The Perfect Fit publishes in March 2021. I live in Cornwall with my husband, two boys and a very springy springer spaniel. @NaomiJones_1

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