Lean In…..

Fckitmum - 5 Feb 16

Excuse me while I smash my head against my desk.

*bang*

OK. That’s better. No wait.

*bang* *bang*

Now I’m done.

Sorry, I am having a bit of a moment. You see I am trying to read about parents or people in general who have their shit together in an effort to glean some tips that I can embrace so I too can be a model of someone who has got life’s equilibrium nailed. Trying to desperately ‘Lean In’ as Ms Sandberg encourages us to – trying to successful, a good person and more importantly a good parent.

But you see I am finding it really hard to relate to people I am reading about. For example:

The chap who rose at 3am everyday for a run – seriously that is NOT impressive. That is just plain bonkers.

The woman who ensures that she is home every day at 6pm to put her kids to bed and then works again in the evening until midnight. OK, I get it and if you love your job then good for you. But that’s hardly something that everyone should aspire to?

Or the person who gets up at 5am, goes to the gym, comes home, takes the kids to school, goes to work, goes out for work meetings, comes home ‘early at 10pm’, then unwinds  by relaxing reading books / watching a movie. Hats off to you but I am tired just thinking about that schedule.

One thing that strikes me with all these  super achieving people is that they tend to exist on virtually no sleep but still have time for making school play outfits, doing a doctoral degree, working out 5 times a week AND spending lazy Sunday mornings reading the paper. Why is it  that the picture of having it all often means that you need to magically be able to exist on no sleep while simultaneously spending time with kids, exercising, working, socializing, showering, washing clothes, taking the dog for a walk, having ‘grown up time’ with your partner….. the list goes on and on. In order to feel like I am #winning, I need to be bright eyed and bushy tailed in every part of my life, especially at work to prove that I am ON IT. I have this shit down. I can multitask with a baby, a social life and work and I AM DOING BRILLIANTLY.

But hang on, why on earth do we feel like we have to do this. I mean, when I was pre-child, I didn’t feel the pressure that I had to be on the ball all the bloody time?  Back then it acceptable to on a school night to go out dancing in Soho with Drag Queens until 4am, or spend a Sunday at the Polo in what was meant to be an afternoon of grown up sophistication and then up face planting, drunk, in a hedge on Chelsea Embankment. It was just one of those things that you did. Turning up to work the next day, slightly worse for wear or meeting friends at the pub for lunch and spending the whole time with sunglasses on having hair of the dog trying not to puke. Everyone UNDERSTOOD because you were childless, and fancy free, and well, you know, people did this stuff on and it was OK, in fact it was expected of you because if you didn’t you were boring and didn’t have a life.

But all of a sudden, when you are a parent to come in to work feeling shit and tired is tutted on. All because you were up all night boobs out, but rather than in a club you were feeding a poorly child who wouldn’t leave you alone. Or instead of slinking into to bed fully clothed at 4am to the sound of birds chirping, you were up at this ungodly hour because it was summer, it had started to get light outside and your child was running around with underpants on their head because they don’t understand how wonderful sleep really is. Or when venturing out on the weekend with the child to give them ‘experiences’  and make up for the working parent guilt, you take them to the local city farm and while they run around terrorizing chickens all you want to do is curl up with the heifer who looks very snugly laying there on their hay.

So if anyone has the magic answer please met me know. In the mean time I will continue to endeavor to ‘Lean In’ and try to be a good person, good parent and generally kick ass in life. But I need to be careful though, as I am so fucking shattered that if I lean in too much I will end up being horizontal asleep on the floor.

Fckitmum

Gin expert I Little person keeper alive-er I Master of #fckitparenting I Occasional blogger

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