Looking in at postnatal depression.

Laura Earl - 18 May 19

Looking in at post natal depression

I see you. I watch the destruction you cause. You are everywhere. You flooded the room with no warning and left us all drowning. 

I hear you. I listen to your cruel tongue, the words you plant inside your prey while trying so desperately to destroy any positive feelings that come with having a baby, killing them off one by one until the negativity takes over. 

I feel you. The hurt and the pain you deliver. The overwhelming affliction to the whole mind, body and soul of anyone that comes near to you. You crash into lives and destroy anything, and everything, in your path. 

We all suffer from you. 

You disconnect your prey from the world. You try to change them. You isolate them. You make it nearly impossible for anyone to break through your barriers. The daily fight we have to try and let your victim know that they are not alone, they have never been alone. We hear THEM, we feel THEM, we love THEM. 

Not you.

It’s never been about you. You may have tried to steal happiness and destroy hope. You may have tried to demoralise everyone in sight. You may have tried to change the way your prey thinks. But you will not succeed. The love, the support, the happiness it will all prevail. 

I despise you. I hate what you have done to people, to families, to millions of sufferers. You don’t just inflict your wounds on one soul, the collateral damage is unavoidable.

While my feelings of hate for you are so strong I must also thank you. My psychology degree, my years of working in mental health settings, my day to day encounters with men and women from all areas suffering from mental health illnesses – nothing could have prepared me for being so personally hit with your presence. You have taught me more about this illness in 6 months than my ten years career experience. I thank you for teaching me the real, raw emotions that you feel when dealing with you. I thank you for making me understand that bit better. I thank you for making me a better wife, mother, sister, friend.

I won’t underestimate your power, your strength or your capability to destroy ever again. But ironically from all of this I do feel hope, I do feel love, I feel closer to life and I feel thankful for each and every day. I am thankful for the love and support that surround us. Together we can destroy YOU. 

Laura Earl

My pre-kids biographical information would have read: Paediatric Nurse, Bsc (Hons) Psychology, PgDip Nursing. Current biography goes something like this - long distance wife to an offshore husband, stay at home Mummy to 3 in 3 years, solo parent for 7 months of the year!

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