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Dearest People,
Five and a half years ago I finally found a purpose that was fulfilling and challenging and grounding. My first child was born. Tough and gritty at times but overwhelmingly satisfying and demanding in equal measure. It stole me away from a disenchanting commercial job and gave me a really brilliant sense of purpose I had been lacking for most of my life. 18 months later and then another 22 months after that I did it all over again and I swell with pride and luck on staring down at the tribe I have the privilege to help and watch grow.
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But somewhere between it all I became even more lost than before. 2 years on from my 3rd being born and I am itching to find my place in the world, my purpose beyond being a mum. When and why is it not enough for me to be satisfied with what I have got? Finding myself means a pivot on my career axel, a huge effort that I am weary at the prospect of. I veer from desperately wanting another child (to give me another glorious sense of achievement and indescribable love) to wanting a job to get headspace I crave and a sense of who I actually am…….. not
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to mention that money we need!!!! I have immense guilt at confessing that I feel this way and am really struggling to understand how and where I got so lost or if ever I knew who I was even before becoming a mum. Does anyone out there feel the same? I am so phenomenally lucky but slightly directionless… I need some balance in my life and have such varying career path options I can’t quite find the ‘thing’ for me. Journalist, Horticulturalist, Teacher. Can someone tell me what to do and where I can find myself?
Yours gratefully
Lucky but
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Lost xx
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Rosie Willcock - 20 Sep 18
Dearest People,
Five and a half years ago I finally found a purpose that was fulfilling and challenging and grounding. My first child was born. Tough and gritty at times but overwhelmingly satisfying and demanding in equal measure. It stole me away from a disenchanting commercial job and gave me a really brilliant sense of purpose I had been lacking for most of my life. 18 months later and then another 22 months after that I did it all over again and I swell with pride and luck on staring down at the tribe I have the privilege to help and watch grow. But somewhere between it all I became even more lost than before. 2 years on from my 3rd being born and I am itching to find my place in the world, my purpose beyond being a mum. When and why is it not enough for me to be satisfied with what I have got? Finding myself means a pivot on my career axel, a huge effort that I am weary at the prospect of. I veer from desperately wanting another child (to give me another glorious sense of achievement and indescribable love) to wanting a job to get headspace I crave and a sense of who I actually am…….. not to mention that money we need!!!! I have immense guilt at confessing that I feel this way and am really struggling to understand how and where I got so lost or if ever I knew who I was even before becoming a mum. Does anyone out there feel the same? I am so phenomenally lucky but slightly directionless… I need some balance in my life and have such varying career path options I can’t quite find the ‘thing’ for me. Journalist, Horticulturalist, Teacher. Can someone tell me what to do and where I can find myself?
Yours gratefully
Lucky but Lost xx
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Mummy of 3 boys - Henry (7), Freddie (5) and Paddy (3). Rosie lives in Oxfordshire and juggles a career in gardening with writing and mumming:
@rosierthings
www.rosiewillcock.co.uk