Love Like A Big Shiny, Glittery Thing

Anniki Sommerville - 12 Feb 16

When I look back at my life, there have definitely been parents who have inspired me and made me think about the kind of parent I want to be. They’ve also given me tips on how to survive the tough bits too.

Here’s a few of the things I’ve learnt (and have tried to incorporate into my own life).

Go HARD but be silly 

My Mum worked full-time and had three kids. I still remember her big, red face as she came sprinting in from work, huffing and puffing and carrying three bags of shopping. She never sat down. When she finally lowered herself into a chair at about nine pm, she made an enormous sighing sound. It was like all the turmoil and strife of the day was escaping in one breath. She went at it. Like REALLY. And whether you’re working at home as a stay at home parent or in an office, it’s sometimes necessary to really go at it. I’m not advocating it all the time of course. The important thing was that Mum cut loose now and then. She liked a drink. She sang really badly to Joni Mitchell. She had fun. And this is no mean feat. Since becoming a Mum, I’ve realised just how hard that is. When your head is full of ‘Did they nap or not? Is that rash normal or something more sinister?’ then it’s tough to do the FUN thing. Mum did silly voices and tickling. I have taken over her mantle. It’s also easy to do whilst lying on the floor watching TV.

Retain some rebellion

This was something I learnt from my Mum’s mate Gerry. Gerry had two kids and was very rock and roll. Sadly she died a few years ago but her energy and vibe have always stayed with me. What I remember most is her throaty, infectious laugh. Gerry smoked roll ups (this was in the eighties when smoking was still common and no one had heard of pineapple flavoured electronic pipes). Smoking isn’t something I admire but there was definitely something rebellious and anarchic about Gerry. I think it’s important to keep some facet of your teenage self alive. If that means a secret fag in the garden at midnight or a gin and tonic at three in the afternoon, so be it. Parenting can be very boring let’s face it. If you don’t break the rules now and then…well it’s going to be a very, very long week ahead.

Keep something going that interests you

I learnt this from my friend’s Mum –Sue. Sue was (and still is) passionate about fashion and all things clothes related. If you walk into a room, she’ll immediately remark on the cut of your trousers. She’ll quiz you on the material and then come up and feel it for herself. There is something brilliant about keeping interested in something that’s PURELY your THANG. For some people it might be running. For others it might be reading crime-fiction. For me it’s watching ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’. It’s rubbish but it’s ONLY INTERESTING TO ME. It is not Peppa Pig. It is not CBeebies. It is not a documentary I should be watching because it’s educational and life changing. (Oh and writing. That’s the other thing I love too of course).

Show Your Love Like A Big Shiny, Glittery Thing

I am not naturally an affectionate person. If someone links arms with me, then I can feel my arm go stiff and it sort of seizes up. I am a bit like a clam who wants to retreat to their shell and blow bubbles. But I learnt to show my affection from one of my best friends – Faye. I watched her with her son and I saw how natural and beautiful she was. I saw how she constantly held him and made him feel like he was the centre of all things.  Now I’m a Mum I feel the same overwhelming love towards my daughter. I don’t actively think about it- it just happens. But I don’t hold back. I go in for a cuddle. I want her to feel it like an assault. I want it to make her cringe when she gets older.

So I shake off the clam. I take my inspiration from the exhausted Mum with the shopping bags who does a silly voice at the end of a long day. I take it from the Mum whose laugh makes everyone feel part of her secret, rebellious club. I take it from the Mum who shares her passion with anyone who’ll listen.

I take it from the Mum who shows her love like a big, shiny, glittery thing.

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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